Jan 15, 2017
Dear Bed Bugs,
Although I appreciate the effort and the creativity you’ve utilised to create a human ‘connect-the-dots’ on my back, I have a few pointers for you for next time.
First, if you want to ensure that people realise what you’ve attempted to create, try and get the bite marks to be perfectly circular. There’s no point having a dot that is…well…not a dot. One bite mark is the shape of Tasmania. Another, consistent with the outline of Trump’s stank lips. I appreciate that you might be attempting to push the medium forward into the the next artistic phase, but if you are an up and coming artist, stick with what is normal for a while, then branch out.
Second, the dots should have numbers on them. There is no point making my back look like a map of the moon without putting clear numbers to signify where the pen stroke might go next. Otherwise there are an infinite number of ways that your drawing might be accomplished. There is no room for error in a connect-the-dots. I believe Andy Warhol said that.
Third, what with the two on the one ass cheek? Rather annoying, if you ask me. At least spread them evenly across the buttocks next time.
Regards,
Q
P.S. Fuck you — this shit itches like crazy.
Matt Querzoli was inspired to write this for obvious reasons. Follow his writing blog, his letters to strangers blog or his blog blog if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.
