Dear Q, What Do I Say To My Pothead Neighbours Who Keep Me Up Playing Pink Floyd While Hitting Their Bongs?

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I haven’t gotten much sleep in the last few months, due to the fact that my neighbours smoke weed and play Pink Floyd as loud as they can at night. What do I say to them so that they stop and I can get some sleep?

Please help!

Mary


Dear Mary,

Thank you for asking me.

Have you ever heard of the phrase “Sleep when you’re dead?” A phrase roughly coined by Benjamin Franklin, who I can only assume faced that same dilemma that you are facing now. Yet, he came to this realisation by himself. So let’s deconstruct how he got there.

While I can’t imagine that the neighbours of Benjamin Franklin would have had Pink Floyd going as they had their pot session, it would have been music nonetheless. Maybe Mozart. Possibly some Led Zeppelin. We don’t know. While he was sitting in his home, inventing shit and generally Being A Bloke ©, he probably came to the conclusion that we’re all going to die someday. In doing so, the next logical step would be for him not to complain about how his neighbours were ruining his train of thought, as death would be the ultimate device of derailment further down the line. Instead, he should go and join his neighbours, to share in their herbal and aural relaxation, while he still could.

Thus, Benjamin Franklin stood up, said, “Fuck it. I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” and went next door to toke long into the night.

I suggest you do the same.

Have fun Mary.

Regards,

Q


Matt Querzoli is Medium’s self-appointed Agony Uncle. Please be advised that if you do actually ask him a question it will be answered in a satirical way. This is the only area in which he is actually qualified. Follow his writing blog, his letters to strangers blog or his blog blog if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.

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