Doomsday Clock to Go Digital


The Doomsday Clock, which has been a symbol of the likelihood of global nuclear catastrophe since 1947, and in recent years, climate change and other possible devastating events, is scheduled to receive a very visual update.

From January 1, 2019, the clock is set to change from the archaic analog form to something more suitable for a modern world – a digital clock.

For readers, this means that the current measurement, set at two to midnight, will be communicated in twenty-four hour time, at 23:58.

A statement from the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists’ Science and Security Board, who update the status of the clock each year, said the upgrade was “long overdue.”

“Only old people and people that wish they were as classy as old people wear analog watches anymore,” they went on to say. “Everyone’s got a phone now, everything’s digital, digital, digital. Why not tag along for the ride?”

They confirmed their choice of twenty-four hour time was born out of a desire to be clear. “We’d love if it wasn’t, because that would be even simpler, but we need to assure people that it’s still two minutes to midnight and not two minutes to noon.”

The statement finished with a plea and some suitably strong language: “It’s still pretty fucked out there, so enjoy the new face and don’t fire any nuclear bombs at each other, alright?”

Matt Querzoli wrote this. He has no concept of time, only death and destruction.