Drunk Man Has Four Cheeseburgers In Spontaneous McDonald's Run on Good Friday; Sentenced To Eternity in Hell
On his arrival into the dark, hot, terrible Underworld, John Franklin was initially confused at to why we was there. Then, Ronald McDonald started laughing at him.
Mr Franklin, a devout Christian, had been sentenced to eternity in Hell for his consumption of four cheeseburgers at a McDonald's on one Good Friday in his twenties.
“I was drunk. We’d just had a party in the Church, and had cracked open a few flasks of Holy Wine,” he said in a statement. “And it wasn’t even Holy yet. The priest still had yet to bless it.”
He was prodded by a demon with a pitchfork before continuing, “And then I stumbled down to the McDonald’s to have a feed. And I got some cheeseburgers. Shoot me, seriously. Who was the last drunk person you knew to go to the golden arches to smash a bunch of Filet o’ Fish? That’s surely a sin in itself.”
Mr Franklin said he had appealed to the Higher Hell Authority. Adventures in Blokedom caught up with Satan himself to find out what the preliminary thoughts were surrounding a possible retrial.
“He’s fucked,” laughed Satan. “The bloke fucked up. Cheeseburgers on Good Friday. Bloody idiot. Retrial not granted. He’s staying here forever.”
Matt Querzoli’s Adventures in Blokedom is the satirical publishing arm of The Quintessential Q. Follow his writing blog, his letters to strangers blog or his blog blog if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.