“Fuck It, I’ll Run for President Too” Says Another Billionaire at Odds With Reality
The age-old adage “When it rains, it pours” continues to ring true. Today, in an announcement made on Twitter, billionaire industrialist Reed Whitaker has announced his intention to run for the office of President of the United States.
Mr Whitaker, who first made his fortune inventing the multi-level marketing scheme, before moving into the more stable, more environmentally unfriendly work of factory farming and fracking, is aiming on running in the 2020 campaign as an independent.
He plans to throw vast sums of money into the campaign, hoping that even if he doesn’t win and elects to selflessly drop out sometime down the line, the added notoriety will shine off onto his business endeavours and he’ll make it back twofold.
Mr Whitaker has been unable to detail any concrete policies as of this time, or a plan of how he intends to lead a country of ~329 million people, but most analysts will expect him to run on a platform that depicts him as a successful businessman, though not alluding to the often nefarious, unethical or downright illegal ways he managed to wrangle his way there. There is expected to be a limited amount of light being shed on what Mr Whitaker is actually like as a member of the human race.
When asked how connected Mr Whitaker feels to his potential voters — the wide spectrum of diversity that is the American people — he tweeted “I’ve seen a very large number of them from the window of my Gulstream G700 — they look like a fantastic people from up there.”
More to come.
