Man Fails To Understand Dirty Talk, Spews Horrific Garbage Instead


Sarah Worthington, chef de cuisine, is not known for enjoying (or serving) dirty, sub-standard food, but when it comes to a partner’s chat in the bedroom, she enjoys a little rough-and-tumble banter to spice up the aural atmosphere.

But when, in the middle of one of the first sexual encounters with new beau, financial advisor David McLennan, she asked him to talk dirty to her, Mr McLennan completely and utterly misunderstood what she meant and went to spew some horrific, reprehensible garbage instead.

“Hitler was a good guy,” he began with, rather tentatively at first. But when he mistook Ms Worthington’s shock for silent acceptance, he soldiered on.

“Child molesters are ok, celebrity magazines are literature, Kim Jong Un would be a great dinner party guest!” he yelled. “Women are not as smart as men, the Iraq war was justified, Chairman Mao was a saint!”

“Being gay is a choice! Politicians aren’t corrupt fuckwits! Vaccines cause autism!” he screamed as they both climaxed.

After the couple had showered (individually) and had both dressed, Ms Worthington sat down to break it gently to Mr McLennan that he was so far off the mark, he wasn’t even in the same galaxy in terms of filthy sexual chat.

The couple is set to try again next time, but only once Mr McLennan fully understands the nature of dirty talk, and the boundaries that constrain it.

Matt Querzoli’s Adventures in Blokedom is the satirical publishing arm of The Quintessential Q. Follow him or his randy publication if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.

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