Pinnochio Undercuts Lumber Industry With Cheap Nose Wood
Beloved wooden doll Pinnochio, who famously dreamed of being a real boy, has now proven to the world that chasing his backup dream of being a ruthless industrialist is working out much better than the first.
In utilising his magic nose, and telling lies over and over again (like man-made climate change is a hoax, and Die Hard 2 is better than Die Hard), Pinnochio has quickly undercut giant Weyerhaeuser and other large timberland firms with his unlimited, cheap supply.
“He is effectively using himself as cheap labour to become a billionaire,” said Walter Belfort, an industry analyst with too much gel in his hair. “It’s a fascinating approach — it will turn business as we know it on its head.”
Though not as quality as hardwood, Pinnochio’s cheap schnoz wood, which is similar to pine, has been a big hit with Swedish firm Ikea and other furniture manufacturers. By scooping up these exclusive contracts, Pinnochio is now worth a considerable $5.6 billion.
Woodcarver Geppetto, Pinnochio’s creator and father, has already benefited from his creation/son’s wealth. Pinnochio purchased him a large estate in Tuscany, employing a permanent staff of five aides to take care of Geppetto and the large property.
