Roy Moore Comforted by Young Girlfriend After Losing Alabama Senate Race
Embattled Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore, now the loser of the hotly-fought contest, has cut his losses and saddled his horse ‘Sassy’ to ride as fast possible to his girlfriend’s house to lament the outcome of the race, and possibly indulge in some illegal, immoral sexual activity.
Telling his wife that he was just going to clear his head, Roy Moore quickly deviated from a path following the Alabama river west — a perfect head-clearing journey — and turned sharply back towards Montgomery. Pulling up at his girlfriend’s place near the local community college, Mr Moore asked permission from the woman’s mother to ascend upstairs to the girl’s bedroom.
Mr Moore’s girlfriend, who does not wish to be named or aged, said that Mr Moore spent a good few hours crying into her shoulder, then settled in to read each other their favourite Bible passages. No comment was made on any undertaken illicit deeds.
The win by his opponent, Doug Jones, is almost unprecedented. A Democratic candidate has not won in Alabama for almost two decades. Many credit the pendulum swing Mr Jones’ way, though slight, to the multiple sexual assault allegations made against Mr Moore — mostly against minors when he was a thirty-two-year-old district attorney.
Mr Jones was not expecting the win. “I was not expecting that,” he said. “I was not expecting that at all. But it sticks with the age-old adage — don’t be a paedophile and expect to win a senatorial race.”
