These Will Be My Last Words When I Die
Shark Attack
Shot
“Bet you you’ll miss.”
Starvation
“I could really use a beer.”
Dehydration
“I could really use a beer.”
Old Age
“Alright body, you can stop hanging in there now.”
Suicide (Falling to Death)
“Well I sure hope things get better. After impact, of course.”
During Cunnilingus
“Wah? Oo eh eft?”
Cancer
“Technically I both won and lost this civil war.”
Ebola
“There’s no way this is still a thing, thanks for pulling my leg.”
Heart Attack
“I’ve definitely earned these fourteen burgers — I had a banana smoothie this morning, so it will cancel them out.”
Electrocution
“I think I might relax, have a bath, and make toast at the same time.”
Bushfire
“If anyone plays ‘Boys Light Up,’ I’ll kill them before the fire gets to them.”
Radiation Exposure
“What superpower do you reckon I’ll get?”
Plane Crash
“Fifteen bucks for a crappy, pre-packaged sandwich? What a scam!”
Drug Overdose
“You can never have too much of a good thing.”
Bear Attack
“Fuck off, Pooh.”
Lethal Injection
“Could you do it any other way? Needles make me faint.”
