Why I Chose a New Macbook Pro Over a Typewriter

Just recently, I found myself without a device in which to transcribe my thoughts and procrastinate on. After much time spent researching, eating mandarins and getting blackout drunk, I had whittled my way down to two choices: a 13" Macbook Pro with Retina display, or a 1939 Remington Compact Portable typewriter.

I present to you the list of pros and cons that I made for my final decision.

13-inch MacBook Pro with Retina display


  • 2.7GHz dual-core Intel Core i5
  • Can use it to watch Rick and Morty
  • 256 GB Storage
  • Comes with word processing software
  • Can use it to store and process photos and videos
  • Turbo Boost up to 3.1GHz
  • 8GB 1866MHz LPDDR3 memory
  • Weighs 1.58kg
  • 256GB PCIe-based flash storage1
  • Intel Iris Graphics 6100
  • Force Touch trackpad
  • Can browse Facebook
  • Can display porn in HD


  • Costs a approximately three fuck tonnes

1939 Remington Compact Portable


  • Cheaper
  • Will inspire hipster appreciation
  • Comes with inbuilt word processor


  • Can’t watch porn
  • Pretty much can’t do anything except to type


Ultimately it was a hard fought battle — one that involved levels of consideration that I didn’t know I had. It has been a soul searching journey, an expensive one, but I believe I have come out on top.

Matt Querzoli just bought a new laptop. Follow his writing blog, his letters to strangers blog or his blog blog if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.

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