from The Shredders
Matt L. Rohrer
I dreamt Dad kicked down the door to give me a hug. I turned off my computer and let him do it.
That sad feeling after Thanksgiving like you can’t find words.
I tried on different shirts. Shaved my face when I didn’t really need to.
Sliced the living room into two equal halves.
I appreciated the way the morning light sat on the house across the street. Then ate pie filling for breakfast. Plucked buds from the end of the jade plant so it would explode the next time I watered it.
Driving that night I imagine crashing into a wall. The van crumbling into pieces.
I would hit eject and jump the divider. Landing softly in the canal completely unscathed. Like a red and white bobber over a worm. I’d watch the highway flicker as I drift.
I can see half my life in your face. Dad like the Kool-Aid man bursting through the paper.
He broke my walking stick over his knee but next week replaced it with a 3"-thick dowel.
But Dad this stick I could kill you with it. But Dad this stick I didn’t find on the hill.
When I left forever Little Aaron got loud. Mom was a wanderer. The hallway was a highway.
She dressed like all middle class white women in the 80s. Shoulder pads and a fluffy perm. And she cried when we went to war. I asked why. She said a lot of young men would die.
Desert Storm sounded like a video game. Acne scars looked so cool.
Me and Chris would steal silver valve caps off tires. I’d go back at night to return them. I can see half my life in golden grass and crystal. When Chris handed me his Leatherman and I snapped the barbed wire atop the wall so we could escape from the old railroad officer. The Feather River running through our minds.
Beer bottle blue. Pine trees and valleys and endless ballast. Snowflake biscuits. Yellow margarine.
After baseball practice we biked home in the dark. The TVs were flickering purple and white light.
The drainage ditch was empty so we climbed the fence and sat in it.
From The Shredders
Available from Mondo Bummer (about)
Matt L. Rohrer is a writer and musician from San Francisco, currently living in Brooklyn. His writing has appeared in the Ampersand Review; Tinfish; Sink Review; Jellyfish; GlitterPony; No, Dear; the Surfer’s Journal; WAX; and elsewhere. He is the author of the chapbooks The Shredders (Mondo Bummer) and Probability of Dependent Events (Beard of Bees). He is the publisher of Recreation League and is a Special Education teacher. His music can be found here: www.recreationleague.bandcamp.com
