Queerphobia in public transport
TW= Abuse, Sexual harassment & queerphobia.
Writing this is a triggering but important step that I’m taking as part of dealing with all the inappropriate behaviour that I have encountered during travel in public transport. (metro, buses etc.)
For those of you who aren’t aware, I’m from Delhi, I identify as a queer man & my pronouns are he/him.
Like many of my kind, I also grew up in a cishet patriarchal society, always failing to understand their ideas and the vile logics behind them.
I have traveled in the Delhi metro since I was a child, it has excellent accessibility and it’s economical!
From being a 6 year old curious kid who would stare out of the window with awe as the train crossed bridges to being a college student taking the same boring route almost everyday. I have done it all.
From rushing through the train gates literally two seconds before they close, to waiting 20 minutes at midnight to catch that last train. I’ve experienced and shared my journey through teenage, and now adulthood with the Delhi metro.
But, there’s more to it.
Odd one out
Remember solving those questions where they gave you a bunch of words and you had to circle the odd one out?
It is fun on paper, and to do it with words like “apple, banana, papaya, watch”.
But it gets objectifying and distressing when people do the same to others.
“man-with-black-hair, man-with-naturally-brown-hair and man-with-dyed-blonde-hair”
Or
“woman-with-sleeveless-top, woman-with-shirt, man-wearing-tank-top.”
This type of “odd one out” shouldn’t be socially acceptable, but it happens, daily, to a lot of us.
Different = Wrong???
I love watching sitcoms, and I love recommending the ones that I find good to my people, but a lot of them don’t watch sitcoms and it’s alright.
On a similar note,
I’m disappointed and hurt when I see people being sidelined, treated like outcasts just because they are different / have different preferences than the majority.
Oftentimes I’m one of them!
Judgemental eyes are always around us, and to some who have been traumatized in the past, they see those eyes even when they’re not around.
Let me narrate a scenario to you,
A security personnel of Central Indian security forces stops you on a routine check and tells you “kapde to pehen ke aa jata” (“at least you should have worn some clothes”) when you’re wearing a tank top (waist length) with jeans. They take a step further and even say “kal ko pant utar ke aajayega to bhi jane denge kya?” (“do you expect us to allow you to go through if you come wearing no pants tomorrow?”)
You take a stand for yourself and confront them to show a rule that says so, or about how inappropriate it is to say such things to an individual.
They pass a few loose comments but eventually let you go.
Do you think you did the right thing?
I think yes.
But, you’re also an individual with chronic panic disorder, and this face-off sets your body into fight-or-flight mode.
You have to pop in an SOS tablet that you keep with you for emergencies and board the train. The symptoms finally subside in 15–20 minutes and you write vigorously in the journal for the rest of the time.
You write a mail to the metro corporation and CISF Delhi metro unit about the incident and finally go about your day trying to revive from the damage.
You had a nice day with friends and you’re again going to the metro station, to go back home.
Again, you’re stopped by another security person. They happen to be more polite than the previous ones but still say that “I’m not stopping you from going, but these types of clothes shouldn’t be worn because there are decent women traveling in the train with us too.”
Your friend tries to argue with them, but you tell him to leave it and come along.
The friend and you discuss how inappropriate this was, how a lot of our other friends have gone through similar experiences and how dozens of complaint mails like the ones I wrote, will most likely remain unanswered in the outbox.
Unseen, unacknowledged and unheard
I told you about the unseen mails and the judgemental eyes and the verbal abuse.
Now, this part might be triggering for some; TW= Sexual harassment.
Data is really a solid support to validate your arguments, but certain things just go unseen, unheard. Sometimes because people don’t think it’s important enough to them, or they’re just jerks.
A number of queer people, on some occasions have been groped, harassed or abused in public buses, metro and at other places.
It’s a “usual” for some to even regularly experience incidents where some creepy man would try to touch them inappropriately and a lot of us just freeze in the moment. The metro is jam-packed, there’s hardly any space to stand, you have to deboard at the next stop and it’s probably a minute or two away.
You feel disgusted, intimidated and abused, but your body isn’t reacting, standing like an ice block, not breathing, waiting for the gates to open.
I would’ve written about more such incidents but there’s a limit to it in my mind.
Conclusion
So, we are the ones getting harassed, abused, and judged by commoners while the men in security stand stuffed with their audacity and vicious beliefs.
There are organizations, and people in individual capacity, working for several such causes. To try and make people find bits and pieces of happiness to complete our puzzles, while we struggle to unbuilt the one constructed strongly by trauma. I wish them love.
Please share this piece to let people know that you are proud of them for taking a stand for themselves and for others. Remind them that you support them and their choices, despite the many struggles.
I’d be happy to know if you might have anything to say about this piece.
Follow along for articles on unique lived experiences and learnings on mental health, queerness etc.
