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Why Do I Stop Writing When Emotional?
Expressing myself sounds like it should be easy…
Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite creators of all time. I was barely out of high school when his Sandman series caught my attention, inspiring countless philosophical conversations. His movies captivated me through my 20s, and in 2012, I was mesmerized by his commencement speech to the University of the Arts.
“Make good art.”
It occurs to me that after these last five months of relative writing silence, I have trouble taking that advice. In the thick of heavy emotions, I seem to travel inward and hoard those emotions rather than expressing them. Merely talking to close friends and loved ones is itself a challenge; writing something for others may very well be impossible by comparison.
Even as a teenager, this pattern held true. Extremely stressful times shuffled me into an emergency mode where self-awareness was used functionally (or anxiously) where needed. Speaking my mind at all often became an interruption to avoid while I kept moving forward. That led to more explosive arguments than I’d care to admit.
Thankfully, I’ve resolved that aversion and paid heed to interactions that influenced my relationships. But the aversion to writing hasn’t fared nearly as well.
