
Rachel and Olga have a sleepover with a street dog
Sanur, Nusa Lembongan, Nusa Ceningan, Nusa Penida
To Bali we went. Rachel was nervous there would be more earthquakes, Matt was not, because Matt.
At the time of writing (t-minus 4 1/2 hours before take off), there have been no more earthquakes unless you count both our dreams.
We met up with Mark and Olga (Molga) after a quick sleep in Sanur, and headed on the speedboat over to Nusa Lembongan.
As soon as we got there we were smitten. White sand, flat sea, beach bars — this is all we need to keep us happy, and was exactly what we had in mind for the end of our trip.

We went for lunch but Molga had already eaten so both ordered a salad, although Mark “meant to order Snickers pie but got distracted.”
When he mentioned Snickers pie we had the obvious reaction. SNICKERS? IN A PIE? YES PLEASE! And we spent the next 3 days trying to get it. More on this later.
We went on a walk with the final destination being Devil’s Tears for sunset, where the current pushes huge waves over the rocks creating a spectacular display.
But in the meantime we found ourselves at the gorgeous, if snooty, Sandy Bay Beach Club, where we loaded up on Margaritas (and discovered Orange Bintang Radler) before heading off across the beach.

Devil’s Tears was Really Fun, even if the rocks were Really Spiky, and when Rachel took herself off to a “natural toilet” returned to catch the perfect moment of a huge fucking wave absolutely destroying Matt and Olga (immortalised here by Mark.)

We headed back to Mushroom Bay and to an eventful evening, mostly involving a small dog we androgynously named Alyx.
But first, we went to get some delicious Snickers Pie. But disaster! No more pie! “Tomorrow”, “it’s making”, “come back”.
Anyway, to Alyx… We met Alyx at a lacklustre restaurant, where Rachel “HOLA PERRO”’d him into such a frenzy of excitement that he would suddenly shoot off doing loops of zoomies around the restaurant causing destruction in his wake.
After a short intermission involving him riding off on a moped, and to where we will never know, Alyx re-appeared at the bar we were playing ‘Monopoly Deal’ at.
Rachel and Olga were in love with Alyx. Rachel and Olga thought Alyx was the best thing they’ve ever met. Matt and Mark were relegated by Alyx.

He followed us to some new friends’ hostel, and then when we called it a night at midnight (we were up at 6am the next day)… he followed us back to our hotel.
Here started the arguments of “what are we going to do with Alyx?”
A hostile dog was waiting outside the gate of the hostel… “what are we going to do with Alyx?”
Matt took Rachel aside.
“I have a plan.
We do nothing”
“…that doesn’t sound like much of a plan”
“No, it is, Olga, she’s going to crack.
I can tell.
Come in the room. I promise. Olga is going to crack.”
So Rachel, reluctantly, left Alyx behind, headed to the safety of the room, and to bed, and intermittedly get out of bed to check on the status re. Alyx.
Olga had cracked.
He was in Molga’s room. This much we knew.

Mark, having recently been bitten by a dog Olga had made friend’s with, wasn’t keen on sharing a room with a street dog, and it wasn’t long before Rachel also cracked and burst into their room.
“Mark! Go spoon Matt. Olga and me are having a sleepover with Alyx.”
And we did. We drank, we vaped, Rachel got humped, Olga got her toes nibbled, and we MADE MEMORIES, MARK, AND IT WAS V. IMPORTANT.
The next day and not a lot of sleep later, we were up for sunrise to go and see the manta rays with “Captain Nemo”.
“What are we going to do with Alyx?”
Take him on the boat of course! He will be a boat dog! He will ride majestically, wagging his tail in the sun!
NOPE.
Alyx very rapidly started vomiting, and soon snuck off into a hole under one of the seats where he remained for the rest of the journey, collapsed, occasionally vomiting, eyes half closed, hating life, hating us. AM I EVEN A DOG AND WHAT IS LIFE?

Meanwhile, we were SWIMMING WITH MANTA RAYS.
I mean, shitloads of manta rays. It was pretty fucking amazing. Except for the incredible amounts of jellyfish and sealice, also swimming with the manta rays.
After a little while swimming with them, Rachel got out (because a jellyfish got her boob), and Matt got out (because burn), and we watched from the boat whilst Mark and Olga were surrounded by at least 10 of the bad boys.
Absolutely incredible.

Then on the boat back what did we bloody see but DOPLHINS!
Matt had never seen dolphins before, and Rachel had only seen dolphins on dolphin “spotting” trips involving dozens of boats chasing them down that made her hella uncomfortable. But this was just magical.
#please #dont #judge #my #video #journalist #potential #by #this
When we got back on land, Alyx scarpered at a remarkable rate, never to be seen again (or was he?)
We headed back to our favourite restaurant to get some sweet sweet Snickers pie. But disaster! It was yet to be frozen! “Later”, “this afternoon”, “come back.”
After a rest we headed off on scooters to explore the island and its baby neighbour Nusa Ceningan.
We were both pretty nervous to be back on a scooter. We’ve heard reports that the picture used last time looked like “Matt singed a few hairs” but we can assure you, that was immediately afterwards and it got a LOT more cooked as time went on. Matt has been very brave and strong.
But it was worth it when we got to the Blue Lagoon.
Now the world has a lot of blue lagoons. And most of them are much less blue than they claim to be. But no one can accuse this lagoon of not being Very Blue (#nofilter).

Mark had a theory. It was the “bubbles” making it blue. Matt concurred, and Rachel thought maybe Matt loves Mark more than her if he’s willing to entertain that nonsense. He wouldn’t let her get away with this shit.
Rachel and Olga exchanged thoughts and feelings about their life choices.

We went and hung out on a nice but not-very-secret beach called “Secret Beach” for a while, until Matt got hot (Nusa Ceningan edition) and we went to find a beach bar and an umbrella for Matt.

There’s a series of cute bars and restaurants overlooking the channel between the two neighbouring islands (connected by a perilous feeling bridge), overlooking a stunning patch of very shallow very blue water, and we stayed put for a gorgeous sunset before heading back to the hostel (where we were disappointed to find Alyx wasn’t waiting for us.)
After a another lacklustre dinner in which Olga didn’t get ribs and no one got Snickers Pie, we were all exhausted and hit the hay. Nusa Penida in the morning!
We got the boat across to Nusa Lembongan’s much larger neighbour Nusa Penida, to meet our driver Udik (hehe) at around 9am.
We had decided to pass on the scooters as Rachel and Matt weren’t quite ready to advance beyond a little potter around, which turned out to be a very good thing because despite the government recently building 85% new road, the 15% left to build were bad. Really bad.
So back Udik described our progress though them as completing levels, and once we got to Level Two we were pretty nervous in the stomach department for Level Three.
The wild ride was worth it as we arrived just on time at low tide at Angel’s Billabong. It was pretty busy when we got there, but the tour groups cleared out, leaving us with a pretty awesome view of the gorgeous green water that transforms at high tide to crashing waves (a tourist was killed two months ago taking a selfie here…)
Next we headed to broken beach, where the water has worn down the rocks, creating a gorgeous natural bridge that’s pretty damn picturesque. And blue. Must be those bubbles.

After lunch, more sightseeing, and more tests of Rachel and Mark’s fear of heights. Rachel, being scared of nearly anything, is human proof that if she can travel around the world, anyone can… albeit armed with enough diazepam to tranquilize an army of horses.

After a quick swim and chill on Crystal Bay it was time to head back to Nusa Lembongan for a last delicious dinner followed by Snickers Pie…
OH FOR GOD’S SAKE
“It’s still freezing,” “In the morning”, “definitely”.
So back to the hostel for a mammoth session of Monopoly Deal, but this time the drinking version, where we made a decent dent in Mark’s birthday “present” from us from China of the local spirit baijiu, which on this occasion claimed to be 52% but judging by its effect on us was more like 70%.
China… weak consumer protection laws.
So we woke up with sore heads to go get our boat back to Bali, but not after one last attempt at Snickers Pie… alas… just kidding.
THEY HAD IT!
They had managed to swindle us out of approximately 20 drinks in the pursuit of it. So who is the real winner? Still us. It was delicious.

We had planned for this to be our final post, but a lot had happened on the Nusas, and who doesn’t like a happy ending?
Join us next time for: MATT AND RACHEL’S DEFINITIVE RANKING OF THE 12 COUNTRIES THEY’VE BEEN TO THIS YEAR.

