When Was The Last Time You’re Being Sincere?
Hard question, felt cliche, but important…
I’ll repeat it again… When was the last time you’re being sincere?
Was it all that hard to just being sincere for once? Or twice? Or every time?
I’ll repeat it again, even if it makes me a hypocrite.
The Law of Being Pathetic Part I
There’s a phrase, not a law, but a famous one, and every economics disciples should have had heard at least once:
There’s nothing such as a free lunch.
It’s a Milton Friedman things right econ-heads? It’s written all over the first slides or books you’ve encountered in your first semester as an economics disciple, and for those who aren’t that economic the phrase means what it says, not a metaphor, thus being agreed upon by economics as a strong mantra…
The “free lunch” refers to the once-common tradition of saloons in the United States providing a “free” lunch to patrons who had purchased at least one drink. Many foods on offer were high in salt (e.g., ham, cheese, and salted crackers), so those who ate them ended up buying a lot of beer.
You read it right, it’s clever marketing — well at least for saloons —and it's understandable and natural, but yet again there’s no such thing.. it’s obviously not that free and it's layered — even if it's thin-layered — with intentions lies behind it.
Just like free google services.
Just like ‘infographics’ that you slide from some ‘informative-mental-health’ Instagram account.
Just like the free drinks he bought you.
Just like the advice he gives you.
Just like you and me.
And they’re all pathetic.
The Law of Being Pathetic Part II
Whether there’s a cost that underlies, or the desire to bone someone, or just to hit a spot on you because obviously, you’re falling for the wrong person and not him, everyone has their own motives to be ‘kind’, and that’s why they all pathetic, we all pathetic, I am pathetic. And up until now, I believe that this is a fact. I’m not saying that these are bad, but again, when was the last time you’re being sincere?
sin·cere /sinˈsir/adjective
[1] free from pretense or deceit; proceeding from genuine feelings.
Till this point, this article sounds like some communist thingy (we should get rid of capitalistic motives, motives is bad, etc… etc…), but that’s not what this article meant for, ‘to sounds communist’, No. Thus, hopefully, this article conveys to you what it's wanting to say.
The Law of Being Pathetic Part III
A whacky sums of people — including me, maybe — are tired of pretenses. We felt that, and felt that too much. It’s happening, the no free lunch is so natural hence happiness brought to me/us by someone/something always felt overshadowed by it (the no free lunch), and it even comes from your closest…
A care-loving mother, a muslim, taking care of her millenials who can’t afford to work even in his/her mid 20’s, who’s still lived under her hood, prays, giving her unending supports, an unwavering reminder to her millenials to do shalat, for a muslim parents had only a few ‘safety belt’ in the afterlife and a soleh & solehah (pious) children is one of it.
Now, that’s an unending love and support with a twist of a no free lunch isn’t it?
Oh god, saying that makes me feel terrible, like; was it too much to ask? Am I really thinking that someone to be sincere that even parents' support accompanied by their hopes for having pious children that pray for their good aren’t really counted as sincere?
I asked these questions over and over again… I mean, there might be others who felt the same way too right? Someone like me, who felt that too much string attached to everyone and everybody, who really just wants to have those genuine feelings that sincere comes from…
So, are the mother’s feelings ingenuine? Insincere?
My take is no. Those are genuine feelings I believe. But I also believe that those are not 100% percent genuine either, maybe 99% because of course, the mother still keeps her expectations after all…
Double Pretense — Doing Good Deeds is Mindfucking
Now that I’m unhappy enough after believing the previous line, having a deep hatred and shame to myself for thinking of something so selfish and ungrateful, I mean, if I am one of the millenials that the mother’s had, I really don’t have the right to ask for that kind of things (unending, sincere support without expectations whatsoever) she kept me lived my life after all... And to balance it with some counter-thoughts, I also ask myself…
If a deep mother-child bonding didn’t resolve in a 100% sincere actions, how can I do something or what kind of ‘bonding’ that must have in order to do it 100%?
I don’t fucking know!
All these times I’ve tried, to do good, to ‘sacrifice’ myself for others, preying on ‘those in need’ to be my ‘objects of benevolence’. I tried to help my friends, to put a coin in a charity box, to tutor someone, with the mindset of “I am doing this for the sake of doing this, I don’t expect anything, I will not think about ever done doing this kind of deeds” but the more I do that, the more I think I have this bullshit in my life.
That I am doing a “double pretense”.
That I am trying to do something 100% sincere, which somewhat led me to believe that I am really doing this 100% sincere and resulting in myself “double pretensing” myself, if that’s even a word.
dou·ble pre·tense /ˈdəb(ə)l /prēˈtens/ a made up terminology
For believing that I am doing sincere acts by not thinking about it at all, didn’t hope for anything, coming from genuine feelings. But hold on, the believing part itself still considered as ‘thinking about it’ isn’t it?
A Weird Conclusions
For an article closing, of course we all expect to read some sort of conclusions, after all we’re not that sincere :), alas, this topic has been circulating in my head for a very long time, and I myself have reached a conclusion, a weird one, one that goes like this:
[1] It is true that we all cannot be 100% (not yet, maybe) sincere. WE ARE LIVING HUMAN BEINGS, and living humans interactions really are interactions, not one way, but two, or three, or more. What I say is that, we all sacrifice something to do another, even if its a good thing, and we all — maybe — accustomed to get something in return, even a faint expectation or a believe might work, (not something material).
[2] Doing “double pretense” might be the best attempt for me for brings out the utter most sincere act of mine.
[3] I hate myself for believing these two conclusions (told you this is a weird one).
[4] Might be the most important of this: thinking of this, asking the question again and again “When was the last time I am being sincere?” has positive impacts on me; It relieves me that I am up until this time is not a good person; I reminds me to do good and think of a way to do it the most sincere way; It makes me think, all over again, which is good, using my brain in some extent. And you should try it too.
[5] Now the last point, do we need to try to give our 100% sincere?
I think that’s a wrap.
Sincerely, :)
Author
Mohammad Adi Amirudin
