Why do we struggle to accept another’s reality?
Reality is a subjective term. Whether it is about politics, family life, personal ideologies or simply the differing taste in food. The term reality is meant to encapsulate almost all that is visible, can be tasted and open to be experienced. The very nature of reality cannot be considered absolute though. This is so because of the subject who is meant to experience and form this reality.
The human brain has more connections between its nodes than there in all of the universe has as a whole. Each node is connected to the next through little sparks of electricity which go off every time the human body experiences something or the brain has a thought that needs to be processed. Just like each spark of electricity, each human being is unique and their idea of reality will be equally unique.
In this day and age, the importance of measuring sentiment by statistics and grouping them together in homogeneous collections cannot be stated enough. In essence, the standardization of reality is highly emphasized. Through standardization, the economics of marketing becomes simple. What does that mean?
If 90 out of 100 people like the new fast food chain burger in the market, the other 10 represent an opportunity for conversion, not the sign of a vibrant and diverse way of thinking. If 45 out of 50 people believe that the economy is doing well, the other 2 who differ in their opinion represent a percentage of the population who are dissenters, not alternative thinkers. If 9 out of 10 people believe that a rape victim must hide her head in shame, then the 1 who disagrees is not seeking justice. Instead that one person is called a rebel, that one person is the one who will upset the harmonious order of things. Even if that harmonious order is meant to protect the interest of only a select few.
Every good story is about real change. In the film “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missourie”, the story of accepting reality is one that is told from 3 different perspectives. One is Mildred, a grief stricken mother who seeks justice for her daughter who was brutally raped and murdered. The second is of Chief Willoughby who is the chief of police tasked with the investigation of the murder, but he is suffering from a terminal illness. And the third is Dixon, a less-than-charming deputy of the police who refuses to understand the plight of Mildred and superficially defends the chief because he has a terminal illness. It is not till later into the story does Dixon understand the gravity of Mildred’s grief.
Each of these character’s reality adds to different dimension to the story that forces the viewer to introspect, trying to empathize with at least one of these 3 damaged people. In fact, there is another perspective whose emphasis is lesser but the impact of his character is equally heavy. Mildred’s son, Robbie, is a victim who is stuck in the cross hair of his mother’s vengeance. He quietly suffers all the insults thrown at him by his friends and at times, his own mother.
While Chief Willoughby tries to gain sympathy from Mildred for his deteriorating state, Dixon treats her with disdain because of the foul language she uses and her lack of empathy for the dying chief. But as the film progresses, the Chief understands the plight of the mother who is grieving (even though she doesn’t shed a tear in front of anyone). Dixon, who had stayed aloof to the details of the case for most of the film’s running time, finally understands Mildred’s plight and anger when he stumbles upon a piece of damning evidence. Mildred finally breaks down when she realizes that there is a chance they will never find her daughter’s killers. She apologizes to her son and embraces him like the mother he needed, not the one she had become.
At the end of it all, it is clear to see that the reason why each of them were at loggerheads while trying to solve this case was because each of them wanted to believe a different kind of reality. And they weren’t wrong. Each of them was justified in having their individual set of beliefs. But it was because of their obstinate nature that they refused to accept the other’s reality, which brings us to the most integral ingredient of understanding and accepting other people’s reality: Empathy.
Empathy is the key to being humble. Empathy is the chief ingredient in the recipe for a peaceful collective existence. Without it, we would all be islands right next to each other, never touching to experience, never speaking to learn, never sharing to grow. As the world’s population increases, it is becoming progressively difficult to have empathy for each individual, because every person is unique just like their preferences. The long term effect of lacking empathy is devastating to all of us as a collective. Many would argue that it is happening already.
Citing Mildred’s example, it is now easier to understand why people struggle to get justice when they belong to a minority or a way of thinking that is not the same as the majority. In courts, judges expect all people to behave the exact same way, even though all of them come from a whole host of different places, different living conditions, different values. This is the homogenization that destroys the idea of diversity and promotes the existence of a singular identity, so that one doesn’t need to conjure empathy.
Reality is a notion that will always differ from person to person. The best one can do is try to understand why someone differs from them. If their reasons are valid, it is best to have empathy for their choices, even though one might disagree with them. Just like Dixon, one must be willing to accept that they were wrong and stand up for a bigger cause: equality. Just like Chief Willoughby, one must be willing to accept that there might be problems that need to be addressed, which are much bigger than one’s personal problems.
Like the right to life, every person has a right to their own version of reality. Just like religious, political and gastronomic preferences, every person’s reality must be respected equally. By having empathy, the acceptance of such realities becomes easier, no matter how inspiring or ridiculous one’s idea of reality.
