On Imperfection
Today marks the 11th day of my self-imposed 50-posts-in-50-days challenge, and I was about to drop the ball for the first time. I thought and reflected all day about a very difficult topic, read and listened to podcasts on it, but somehow my reflections were still all over the place, and the post was not taking shape. Moreover, I had a lot of family and home responsibilities to take care of, and at 9 PM, I entered the shower panicking that I might end up breaking my rhythm today.
As the warm water hit my body, though, I calmed down. I realized that I was yet again judging myself for way too little. Nobody asked me to make 50 posts in 50 days. I did. As a process for reflection and growth, nothing else. I made 10 posts in the first 10 days, and learned a helluva lot. That’s something to be proud of! It’s also not like I lazed around all day watching Netflix — I woke up at 6:30 to prepare the kids for school, caught up on some sleep deficit afterwards, actively reflected, wrote, cleaned and organized the house, picked up the kids, cooked and fed the kids and ourselves, reviewed Sarah’s capstone and provided comments, and even went to the Gym for an hour amidst it all. I don’t need the self-judgement. I don’t deserve the self-judgement!
Indeed, one thing that exercising and losing weight over the last 7 months has taught me is that one must not let a tough/bad day become an excuse for a bad week and then a bad month. Each day is a new day, and if one day you can’t exercise or eat as per the plan, you can always go back to the schedule the next day. The marginal cost of one bad day is actually pretty close to nil, except in our convoluted minds, which finds a way to judge ourselves, and worse, convinces us that we are not strong enough, giving us permission to fail again and again.
If I apply the same logic here, so what day 11 was a tough day? So what if I have to write my 11th post on the 12th day? Who cares except my irrational, judgmental self?
No one. Just as no one cares that in reflecting on this very topic at 9:30 PM, I just managed to write the 11th post as scheduled on the 11th day, completely on a different topic than what I had intended to write!
An acceptance of imperfection may be as close to perfection as it gets!
