A Powerful Yes Starts With a No
“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage-pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically, to say “no” to other things. And the way you do that is by having a bigger “yes” burning inside.
The enemy of the “best” is often the “good.” ~ Stephen Covey
In the intricate dance of choices, ‘yes’ and ‘no’ stand as powerful binaries, each holding the potential to shape our paths. Saying ‘yes’ to one thing often means saying ‘no’ to another. However, I uncovered another aspect of this dynamic when I embraced the power of saying ‘yes’ after having genuinely given myself the option to say ‘no.’
Let me take you to October 2023. I was back on the virtual stage at FABx, delivering a 45-minute keynote speech on the art of doing nothing before you do anything. I’d been working on this speech for weeks and it was starting to feel like forever. The initial plan had been to hold the summit in March, then we shifted to August, only to face a last-minute snafu prompting a final reschedule to October.
Amidst this timeline shuffle, my mentor and organiser, Colleen, gently nudged me to re-engage in rehearsals. However, enthusiasm was in short supply, and a weariness had settled in. The familiar narrative of ‘should’ and ‘must’ echoed, a story that has often propelled me forward but just as often has obscured my true feelings, denying me the agency to choose. While Colleen was offering me her full-hearted support, I was hiding away, not wanting to admit that I was starting to question the point of the whole thing — who really cared about what I had to say, anyway?
A Quiet Discerning Power
Amidst this inner conflict, I sought guidance in a menstruality medicine circle with my Red School mentor. Delving into the quiet discerning power of autumn — the season of letting go — I confronted the question: “Do I genuinely want to do this talk?” I sat with the inquiry of what would it be like if I gave myself full permission to not do it. What might happen if I allowed myself that freedom of choice?
The shift came when I allowed myself the freedom to walk away. Surprisingly, as I deeply embraced the possibility of saying ‘no,’ I felt a renewed sense of purpose and aliveness. Delving deeper into the question, I discovered that my motivation wasn’t rooted in grandeur. It wasn’t about changing the world or gaining recognition. Instead, it was a quieter, more personal need — the desire to complete the experience and not leave a piece undone. Honouring the fullness of the cycle became a guiding principle, leading me to say ‘yes’ to the talk in a way that felt authentic and true to myself.
I committed to doing the talk “just well enough.” Especially after being sick the week before and on my period on the day of the talk, having expectations of perfection was only going to make things harder. This shift allowed me to trust the work I had previously done and, in doing so, paved the way for an unexpectedly incredible experience.
The Power of Making a Choice
On the virtual stage, in a recorded studio broadcast online, I felt an unexpected freedom. Liberated from the weight of obligation, I delivered what might be my best performance yet. The heartfelt feedback from both the audience in the room and online added to the joy. It was a testament to the power of choice — a choice I gave myself by allowing the possibility of saying ‘no.’
Reflecting on this experience, the lesson for me is clear: giving myself the choice to engage in the world empowers authenticity. While not everything can be declined, the freedom to say ‘no’ without guilt or consequences opens the door to a genuine ‘yes.’ Knowing that I could say ‘no’ opens the door to a full-bodied ‘yes.’ It’s an invitation to explore the difference between obligation and conscious commitment.
As I share this personal journey, I invite you to consider: What are you doing simply because you feel you should? What might happen if you granted yourself permission to say ‘no’ without guilt? I’d love to hear your thoughts — how might embracing the power of choice transform your relationship with obligations? Share your insights below.
Originally published at https://vixanderton.com on November 15, 2023.
