How to make change easy
“There is power in small wins and slow gains.”
~ James Clear
Whenever I feel a bit stuck in life, I have a tendency to want to make big sweeping changes. My perfectionist thinking has me throwing the metaphorical baby out with the bathwater. It’s either all working or nothing’s working and therefore everything has to change. Of course, the irony is that by trying to change everything, I end up getting overwhelmed and changing nothing. So I feel even more stuck.
As much as a part of me hates to admit it, the answer is to be patient and go one step at a time. It’s counter to so many of the stories I have about how to be in the world and as much as I contract at the thought of slow, incremental change, there is also something in me longing for a more gentle pace. And I’m curious if gentle change might actually be a more powerful transformation.
It’s so easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making small decisions in the right direction on a daily basis.
The defining moments are still important. We all have those moments that irrevocably altered the course of our lives. And yet the integration of those big changes is done in the small moments every day.
It’s so easy to forget that when I’m being challenged and I just want those uncomfortable feelings to go away.
So often I convince myself that change is only meaningful if there is some large, visible outcome associated with it. Whether it is losing weight, building a business, travelling the world or any other goal, it’s so easy to feel the pressure to make some earth-shattering improvement that everyone will notice. I want to be ‘there’ already; I don’t want to have to go through the effort and time of transition.
On the other hand, making small changes, going one step at a time, improving by one measly percent isn’t notable (and sometimes it isn’t even noticeable). But it can be just as meaningful, especially in the long run because these small changes compound.
“Life is a hologram. Even the smallest moment contains eternity within it.”
~ Banani Ray
In Authentic Relating, we often use the metaphor of the hologram. A hologram is a 3-dimensional image captured on a 2-dimensional surface. If you break a hologram, each of the pieces still contain the whole image. The analogy is that the way you are in any moment is the way you are in every moment.
Change rarely happens in one defining moment. By making one small consistent change in one aspect of our lives, we change the way we are in all aspects of our lives. Because wherever I go, there I am.
I’m realising (slowly) that there is nowhere I have to get to. There is no rush. I can take my time and navigate change one little, tiny step at a time.
What about you? If you could take one small next step, what would it be? What one thing could you experiment with every day for the next week? Knowing that it won’t immediately make everything better, can you make one little change anyway and be open to what might happen as a result?
To help you on your way to taking the next step, I’d love to offer you all a complimentary coaching session. These sessions are a great way to identify one or two small ways you can move closer to your goals and there’s no obligation to coach with me afterwards (genuinely). You can book a slot here.
I’d love to hear how this works for you. If any of this resonates or you have questions, please drop me a line. I really love hearing from you and I reply as quickly as I can.
Originally published at https://vixanderton.com on November 4, 2021.
