What Self-Care Really Means

“Selfish is caring for ourselves at others’ expense.
Self-care is taking care of ourselves so that we can be there for others.” ~ Bill Crawford

Do bubble baths and inspirational quotes actually help you conquer your to-do list and silence your inner critic?

For overdoers and high achievers, self-care can end up being another box to tick on the never-ending list.

I get it. You’re a go-getter, and you wear your “hustle badge” with pride. But deep down, you crave more than just productivity. You yearn for authenticity, ease, and a harmony between life and work that doesn’t involve constant burnout.

Self-care is not prescriptive

At its best, self-care is responsive to how you feel, where you are in your cycles, and the environment around you.

It’s the difference between the answers to the question “are you taking care of yourself?” (probably yes) and “how are you taking care of yourself?”.

Force-marching yourself to a bubble bath because you “should” be practising self-care is as much use as a chocolate teapot.

Stripped down, self-care means noticing how we are and meeting ourselves there. When we tune into ourselves, we see that our needs change from day to day, from month to month. Making a habit of checking in with ourselves makes us more aware of our own needs, which in turn helps us cultivate the practices needed to rejuvenate us day in and day out.

Self-care means we prioritise our relationship with ourselves before anyone else. Because it is impossible to connect with or take care of anyone else if we are not first in connection with ourselves. And it takes intentional effort to sustain any relationship, especially one many of us are so used to putting last.

It’s not always glamorous or relaxing. Sometimes self-care means calling ourselves out on the things we’re doing that aren’t healthy for us. Sometimes it means getting out of our own way, even if it’s deeply uncomfortable.

This is where tender discipline comes in.

Tender Discipline balances compassion with accountability

It’s a different approach to self-care, one that goes beyond bubble baths and face masks (although those can be lovely too!). It’s about the dedicated work of confronting your inner critic, setting boundaries, and prioritising your well-being, even when it’s hard.

(I have a whole blog post dedicated to Tender Discipline — check it out for a deeper dive!)

Why is tender discipline so important for ambitious solopreneurs and recovering perfectionists?

• You can’t pour from an empty cup. Constantly pushing yourself will eventually lead to burnout. Tender discipline helps you replenish your energy so you can show up powerfully in your business and your life.
• It helps you improve your relationship with your inner critic. Perfectionism and self-doubt can be huge roadblocks. Tender discipline equips you with the tools to challenge those negative thoughts and cultivate self-compassion.
• It allows you to work smarter, not harder. When you’re well-rested and clear-headed, you can make better decisions, be more productive, and achieve your goals with greater ease.

Tender discipline isn’t about harsh self-denial. It’s about setting boundaries and honouring your needs. Here are some examples of what tender discipline might look like:

• Setting boundaries and saying no to requests you aren’t comfortable with or invitations that you feel you “should” accept.
• Saying yes to new experiences and expanding your comfort zone.
• Prioritising sleep and healthy eating, even when deadlines loom. Your body and mind need fuel to perform at their best.
• Scheduling time for activities that nourish your soul, whether it’s spending time in nature, connecting with loved ones, or pursuing a creative hobby.
• Admitting that you don’t want to do it all by yourself and allowing yourself to accept help.
• Letting yourself eat an entire tub of ice cream without feeling bad about it because it’s the best you can do today.
• Choosing eight hours of sleep over watching another episode on Netflix.
• Watching another episode on Netflix over getting eight hours of sleep.

All, some or none of these things might work for you — what matters is focusing on what feels right for your needs.

It’s time to break free from the cycle of hustle and burnout. Embrace tender discipline and watch your productivity soar, your creativity blossom and your inner critic finally do its job (check out my post on how to do that here).

Ready to get started? Try this mini self-care audit to make sure you’re caring for yourself and meeting your needs:

• Write a list of things that energise, nourish and relax you.
• Write another list of things that deplete and drain you or bring you down.
• Do a little more of the first list and a little less of the second.

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential. By taking care of yourself, you’re investing in your success and well-being.

Curious about how tender discipline can help you achieve more without the burnout? Schedule a complimentary consultation call to explore if 1:1 coaching is right for you or join my mailing list to be the first to know about upcoming workshops, masterminds, and exclusive offers, including Pay-What-You-Can coaching opportunities.

Originally published at https://vixanderton.com on April 18, 2024.