FAQs with a person with depression and anxiety.

“Hey, how are you? Your mother told me you are depressed.”

“Hi, yes I am. I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for a while now.”

“Depression? Isn’t that just a fancy term for being sad?”

“It most certainly is not! Everyone feels anxious or unhappy from time to time but anxiety disorders and depression are serious medical conditions that can leave the victims unable to cope or overcome it easily.”

“It still sounds like a dramatic way of saying you are upset, to me.”

“Well, it isn’t. Depression and anxiety are real mental health issues and are both overwhelming, life-altering and difficult.”

“Right, but if you know what is bothering you, why can’t you consciously make efforts to change your feelings towards the situations?”

“What you’re talking about is effectively sadness, grief or sorrow. Which are temporary, and triggered by particular events, losses and causes. When you remove these events, losses and causes, things get better. But depression and anxiety are not like that — they are caused by a wide range of factors that also include genetics, brain chemistry and life events.”

“But how can you not know what is wrong? How can you just be depressed or anxious for no reason?”

“Depression can just hit you out of nowhere — even when you are feeling content and happy in your life. It is like a zone of existence where you feel hopeless, worthless, full of despair, have a lack of motivation and interest to do even mundane tasks. It can even manifest as anger, irritation, tiredness and mood swings. This is what makes clinical depression very debilitating and draining.”

“Seems like a very broad spectrum of symptoms.”

“Depression does have many indicators but some are more clear-cut than others. Changes in appetite, insomnia or hypersomnia, inappropriate guilt, recurrent thoughts of suicide and diminished ability to concentrate, think and make decisions are all pointers towards depression.”

“Oh my. Okay. So what is the solution? How do you stop feeling depressed?”

“Depression isn’t like a switch-on-switch-off situation. There is room for help, people can seek out therapists and doctors, and sometimes, depending on the intensity, even medication.”

“But isn’t it all in your head? Why would you want to get medicated for that?”

“The brain is an organ just like the lungs or liver and it can become ill too. So, what is wrong in consulting a professional and getting the required treatment?”

“So basically you’re saying that you’re crazy?”

“Now that, there, is the reason why people with depression and other mental health disorders are not able to speak up. There is a lot of social stigma associated with getting help from a doctor for your psychological needs. People with mental health issues are not crazy, and do not deserve to be labelled and isolated or demonized for what they are already struggling to cope with. The taboo around mental illnesses should be removed so that those affected can get the help they need.”

“Mental Illnesses…. Hmmm… I’ve heard this phrase being used around descriptions of some of the people around the world who’ve been causing mass shootings and bombings. So that means you’re also going to be violent? Should I run for cover?”

“While mental illnesses do explain certain kinds of behaviour, not all of them manifest in the same way. Not all mentally ill people are violent, although there may be a predisposition for violence — but that again depends on the individual and what they are going through.”

“I still think you’re just being melodramatic. Maybe coming out more often and distracting yourself will help you get cured of depression.”

“It can help sometimes but having ignorant people constantly explain to you that you are overacting or debunking the ‘myths’ about depression can be very tiring. Plus, in my case, as it does in some others’, anxiety is also something that pairs up with depression.”

“Come on, now! Everyone feels anxious. Just last week I was anxious about my test results! I’m okay now. Stop making an issue about it!”

“Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed and worried. It is when these feelings do not go away even when the ‘stressor’ is removed. It can be ongoing and can be hard to cope with daily life. What you went through is nervousness, and anxiety is more than that.”

“That seems very far-fetched.”

“I can imagine why you would think that. But the truth is that anxiety is as inexplicable as depression is, when you aren’t willing to understand that it is not a person’s doing. It can affect anyone. Be it due to hereditary reasons, stress at work, pregnancy, family and relationship problems, aftermath of trauma or the death of a loved one, anxiety can also be caused by a variety of factors. Just like with depression, there are various strategies you can try to manage like meditating, slow breathing and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.”

“Oh my… But… They seem very similar — depression and anxiety…”

“While the symptoms maybe similar in some cases, they are not interchangeable. What remains the same for both is that people suffering should be allowed to cope in ways best suited to them and they could really appreciate support and empathy from close ones.”

“I’m beginning to understand what you mean. You know, look, I’m just coming from a place of care and I just want you to be fine. That’s why I wanted you to snap out of it!”

“I understand where you’re coming from — but your need for me “to snap out of it” is both difficult as an expectation you’re putting on my shoulders, and as a matter of reality, for me to just do. I want to be okay, too. So instead of being judgmental, how about being a support system?”

“I want to be that. How does one help someone they love?”

“Just give them space, let them know they can speak to you and find support in you and beyond you. Don’t judge, don’t trivialize and most importantly, don’t be hurtful.”

To anyone going through a mental health condition, I see you. People may criticize you, get angry and impatient with you and even leave you. But take your time to come to terms with it and seek the support you want. Share how you feel with whoever you are comfortable with. You have every right to make choices that best suit you and provide you comfort.

Your thoughts are valid. Your feelings are valid. Allow yourself to feel and think. You are valid. You are you and that is enough.