Dems Admit Practical Joke

Democratic leaders came out in unison today to announce this has all been one big practical joke. We all had our suspicions, I mean the constant hypocrisy, changing goal posts, double standards, we knew something was up. But they got us, they got us good. They revealed the big joke in an exclusive press conference in front of the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library as a group of Antifa members held a ‘Laugh In’.

Nancy Pelosi was quoted saying “well of course we need border security, we can’t have illegal immigrants bleeding our system dry!” She went on to describe how she almost burst out in laughter when meeting with President Trump yesterday, “it was sooooo hard to keep from laughing, watching him get all riled up like that, that look alone was worth it.”

Chuck Schumer went on about how he was so close to breaking, he just had to stop talking, “seriously, that whole bit about government shutdown and who was to blame, ol’ Trumpy got so mad, I had to stop talking, I was so close to losing it.” He continued with his admiration for Trump, “we were really laying it on thick, he was so calm and collected, it was really pretty amazing. I thought for sure we’d get him to snap, but he is such a professional, handled it with incredible patience, what a great man!”

The Clinton’s joined in on the unveiling as well. Hillary Clinton touched on her campaign against Trump, “oh gosh, it was incredible, the fact that we were able to pull off that whole email thing, I thought for sure that’s when it would all be revealed, but we kept our cool.” She continued with her plans going forward, “well, obviously I’ll be heading right into the FBI to turn myself in, after that I’m going to pursue my hobbies like sport shooting, hunting and charitable giving, in fact I’ve been seriously considering turning the Clinton Foundation into a charity.” Bill Clinton, always a hoot, spoke about his presidency, “I truly never thought I’d be elected, it was such a shock, then we decided ‘what the heck, we’ll give her another go’ and boom second term, it really was surreal.” In response to questions about his sexual misconduct, “oh yeah, I definitely did have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky, then I had to hire her to keep her quiet, boy did we have a close call there.”

Barack and Michelle Obama made a surprise appearance, never ones to jump in front of the spotlight, to reveal their part. Barack shared what it was like being President from his perspective, “I was so busy all the time trying to keep the charade going, we knew we were gonna have to reveal it was a joke pretty soon, so we just kept pushing it as far as we could. It was a lot of fun, some of the stuff we got away with… well, it was just shocking. And then, when they’d get really mad, I’d go play golf or take a family vacation or something, at some points it felt like we were trying to give ourselves up, but everything we tried just kept working.” Michelle was asked what her favorite part was, “oh, definitely the school lunches!” as she burst out in laughter. “I cannot believe we pulled that one off, those things were terrible, it was basically just cardboard and vegetables, seriously, coming up with that was the highlight of my time as First Lady.”

And finally, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Bernie Sanders came out. Bernie described what it was like in the primaries, “when they told me what my platform was gonna be, I thought for sure they were joking and then when they said my biggest supporters were to be young people, I expressed my concerns about how unbelievable that would be and how convincing the American people of that… I mean, I’m damn near a hundred years old, I thought for sure there’d be no way we’d pull it off.” When asked further questions, he sorta just nodded off and fell asleep. Ocasio-Cortez was asked about how she got involved with the joke, “oh boy, well, first like, they came up to me and were all like ‘hey, so we’ve got this idea about you running for Congress and stuff, as sort of one last hoorah, are you interested? I mean, who would say no to that, I’m completely unqualified, absolutely zero experience or understanding of how government works, I just almost screamed ‘I’m in!”

They got us, if you’re like me, you almost feel stupid for falling for it.

Originally published at theredwave.us on December 12, 2018.