Why Am I Not Happy?

I have gone white-water rafting a few times, so why am I not happy?

I have gone on a kayaking and camping trip for a week and have done humanitarian work for two weeks while living in a tent camp, so why am I not happy?

I have attended many memorably delicious international ‘food nights’ at my usual cafe down the street where I live, so why am I not happy?

My bed has enough blankets when it’s cold and my room has a window that I can open when it’s really warm out. I always end up staying in spacious, clean, well-lived in apartments, so why am I not happy?

It’s possible for me to eat an inexpensive, simple, yet tasty and flavorful dessert every day, so why am I not happy?

I have roamed on many foreign lands, eaten all sorts of local foods, have crossed borders more than the majority of people in the world, so why am I not happy?

I have always had access to Internet, clean water, electricity, proper toilets, modern amenities like a washing machine, so why am I not happy?

With careful spending and a detachment from things I don’t need, I have enough money to live on every month, so why am I not happy?

I have flown business class twice by default. The second time I flew business class was when I was flying from Shanghai to my connecting destination, Kuala Lumpur (I was on my way to Bangkok). I remember watching Selena (the first and only time I have ever watched it) and eating grilled lamb meat on skewers with spicy peanut sauce and drinking pink guava juice and the friendliest service I have ever experienced on a flight. I still remember having fun moving my seat up and down, so why am I not happy?

I have completed and put three books together and published them myself on Amazon. They are available for most people in the world to discover, so why am I not happy?

I have never been severely beaten by a partner, nor threatened, nor bullied incessantly, nor have been intimidated to the point that I think I would die in the hands of a partner, so why am I not happy?

I have been invited to go to places, been offered food and sweets, been remembered for something good I have done, so why am I not happy?

I have had a lot of time in my life to read, read, read comfortably on my bed in different positions, not paying attention to when the sun went down many days in my life, so why am I not happy?

I have graduated from university earning a degree that supposedly increases my chance of putting my foot through the door of workplaces where most people in my family may not have the chance to work at. Few people in my family have university degrees, so why am I not happy?

I have had the chance of being exposed to more kinds of people and situations and settings and stories via connections in person and the screen much more than a lot of people, so why am I not happy?

I have had ample time to walk at times. Walking is my peace, my love, my life, so why am I not happy?

I have had time to sleep well most nights in my life, so why am I not happy?

I have seen stars at Yellowstone National Park, so why am I not happy?

I have never had broken bones not have been seriously, violently ill, so why am I not happy?

I have met people at the right place at the right time a couple of times, so why am I not happy?

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