Life of Pi: Never Settle
Reflections to ponder for your wellbeing & happiness
It was March 2020. The whole world was beginning to enter lockdown, and so was my mind, thoughts, and entire self. By lockdown I mean, all my thoughts, my energy, and spirit were utterly locked inside my head, and I couldn’t find a way to let them out. I knew something was wrong with me since December 2019, but I couldn’t figure out what exactly it was. When lockdown happened, there was a repetitive pattern that occurred in my mind and my everyday activities, and when I took a closer look at the pattern, that’s when it hit me that I was dealing with a form of mental illness.
I consider myself lucky in this case because I knew what was causing this condition. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to make things better. I did share what was happening to me with my parents, and they could understand me, but only till a bare minimum surface level. I wouldn’t blame them because that is the whole concept behind mental illness; nobody can relate to it because nobody can understand the void and silence behind it. I quickly realized that I would need professional help to deal with myself, yet I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to do so as it was considered taboo.
It was understandable that I would have to wait until the right time to seek help, which happened when I moved to Singapore for my graduate education. I was fortunate to have gotten an opportunity to look for an extended helping hand from my counselor. I can confidently say that the after-effects of counseling have been fruitful, and it brought back (or still bringing back) the old me with a different perspective. Also, the sessions helped me to uncover different dimensions of myself that I never knew existed within me. I wanted to share some perspectives and reflections that I gained through this journey hoping that it may help someone else out there. Mental illness drains your spirit to the point of losing yourself, and I hope no one has to go through it alone.
Change is the only constant
New minute, New you!
Things, time, situations, promises, outcomes, friendships, relationships, and above all, people change at an astounding rate. There is nothing that we can do to stop this change. We can only embrace it, and for that, we must change too. Primarily, we must make efforts to change, which starts from within. I look at the change in three ways:
- The first one is the change that happens.
- The second is how we perceive the change.
- The last is the change that we undergo for the change that occurred.
Change happens every day to everyone and everything. The life that we have today will never be the same as the life that we would have on any other day. The bus that we take, the people that we see, the moods that we experience, the way we perceive the world, the decisions that we would take, and the experience that we would have. The list is endless. Every day is unique, and that every day comes with its changes. It is just that we only notice and scrutinize the significant big changes that happen, and it is those changes that sway us, both in positive and negative ways. How we perceive the change differs from one another.
On a broader note, some people are good at accepting the change that happens, and some don’t. I belong to that group of people who always take time to process, accept and adapt to the change. I think this way of adapting to change is not good and that I should acclimatize to change as quickly as possible until I realize that it is acceptable to take time. I started following the below-mentioned strategies to accept the change entirely:
- I understand that I can’t embrace the change immediately. I acknowledge that I would always take the time to accept the change. Finally, I realize that there is always going to be a turbulent period when any change happens. All these processes helped me take myself a lot better.
- I stopped being hard on myself during this change phase. I let myself feel every emotion that I would feel during the shift. Consequently, it made me come to peace with myself.
- Then I would dwell on the change. I pamper myself with the things that comfort me. It would be taking rest all day long, going out, talking to friends, seeing my comfort movie or series, and doing anything that gives me solace. These are the ways by which I embrace the change. — Eventually, after some days, I would smile at the change and make peace with it. I strongly suggest you study yourself and recognize how you process, embrace and accept changes. Once you find the trick that works for you, Hola! You know how to deal with any other change that would happen for you. Customize your thought process, and everything else would eventually fall in place.
The after-effects of the change are my absolute favorite as I would be a different person with a different perception. This helps me grow as a person, which is what I want for myself.
As they say, Change is the only constant, and nothing can be truer than that.
We are all stardust
Why fear?
One of the pictures that truly motivates me whenever I seem to hit rock bottom is the below one.
Voyager 1, sent to space by NASA, took the above picture from 4 billion miles away from Earth. You can see that the teeny tiny pale blue dot is our entire Earth. That’s it. That pretty much sums up all the happiness, tears, heartbreaks, anger, frustrations, fears, despair, joy, faith, pain, comforts, doubts, beliefs, anxiety, serenity, hatred, and most of all, love that we have ever experienced and encountered in our lives. So nobody really judges what you do and how you live, because everyone has their fair share of life, problems, and happiness to deal with. Even if they judge, why should we care? I would rather get judged for my authentic self than for someone that I pretend to be. Because if I worry about it, I won’t be living the way I want to.
- Are you interested in hanging out with friends? Initiate the plan, and you will be good to go.
- Want to start cooking? Go ahead and cook the meal that you want to cook. It’s ok if it has extra salt, low spice, or anything of that sort. Everybody is an amateur, and it’s just that somebody might have some years of experience, and it’s absolutely ok.
Also, it is noteworthy to understand that we are all stardust, and we all come from stars. All the entities that we have inside our bodies belong to stars. The only way each person differs from the rest is how a person’s neurons and cells work. We are essentially the same. Consequently, the way we judge others is our true reflection. We do not judge them. We judge ourselves. Live and let live. As cliche as it may sound, it’s the fact and nobody can deny the fact.
Happiness is now
Happiness is now. We all have this notion that we will be happy only when — we get the admit from our dream university — we achieve a particular target in what we are working on — we reach a destination in a journey — we get the hike in our job. — we get into a relationship — we are with friends — and the list goes on. So basically, we associate happiness with an end product of something that would happen in the future. But have you ever paused for a moment to actually enjoy the journey to it and the joy when you reach that destination? The utmost specific answer might be no because as soon as we achieve the milestone that we set for ourselves, we move on and select another significant milestone. For instance, in my case, I thought I would be happy when
- I get an admit from NTU to the School of Materials Science and Engineering. Once I received the offer, I didn’t take a moment to celebrate it. My happiness moved on to-
- I should move to Singapore without any problem concerning Covid-19. Once I reached Singapore, my next aim was-
- I should set an academic target and achieve it in the first semester. Once I reached it, my happiness turned to…
the list goes on.
The loop went on until recently when I took a brief period of pause to self-reflect on myself and the things that I achieved. Reality hit me when I realized that I didn’t take a moment to be grateful, to enjoy the happiness, to marvel at myself for how much I have grown, and finally to pat myself for having the courage to cross the various barriers that I never thought I would be able to do. These subsequent incidents made me believe that true happiness lies in the very moment we are living. Now, this moment is all we have in this life. As they say, the Past is behind; learn from it. The future is ahead; prepare for it. The present is here; live it. So, pause for a while, reflect on yourself and how far you have come, acknowledge yourself, and experience happiness.
Happiness lies in the chaos, confusion, uncertainty, unpredictability, success, failures, heartbreaks, good, bad, and most of all, within yourself. The more you chase for happiness in the outside world, the more you will understand that you have had it within yourself all this while. I truly hope you look inside yourself for the happiness that you seek.
Your happiness is your responsibility
Yours alone
- What do you do when you want to achieve something? You go after it.
- What do you do when you want a hike in your salary? You put in extra effort in your work and you talk to HR, if applicable.
- What do you do when you are upset? You cheer yourself up by calling friends, doing something that you enjoy doing, say, sleeping, or eating your favorite food.
- What do you do when you don’t enjoy the work that you do? You make efforts to change your path.
- What do you do when you fall down? You pick yourself up and move on.
In all these instances, the only common denominator is you. If you rely on yourself for these inconsequential actions, don’t you think you should bank on yourself for one of the most consequential actions of your life, being happy? How can the denominator of your happiness become somebody else? How can you expect other people and things to make you happy when you yourself find it difficult to achieve it? How can you look for others to identify what makes you happy when you fail to figure out what makes you happy? How can you?
It’s very easy to think that you can give the key to your happiness to someone else. But, it’s very difficult to acknowledge that your true happiness lies within yourself. Whatever you are looking for is within you. You are born alone and you are going to die alone. This is your journey and yours only. You can’t expect someone else to contribute to your trajectory of life. This puts you on a submissive note and I am sure nobody likes to be passive. It’s like giving the key of your valuable treasure to someone else believing that you wouldn’t be the suitable person to treasure it. If you don’t trust and rely on yourself for what you hold, how can you trust another person wholeheartedly?
Embracing yourself, your strengths, your limitations, your thoughts, beliefs. Accepting and validating all those is the first step towards finding happiness. When you know your self-worth and truly understand the immensity of it, you have taken a step closer to achieving happiness. That being said, happiness is a state of mind, just like how Gina Linetti is (Brooklyn Nine-Nine fans, come for my defense). Quite frankly, I draw inspiration from Gina Linetti- no matter what, she never gives up on herself. Likewise, you should never give up on your happiness. Strive for it, just like how you strive for anything else. I truly believe that this world will be better when everyone takes responsibility for their own happiness, instead of seeking it from others.
It is your choice to make.
You decide your happiness
In a nutshell, you customize your happiness. The journey to finding your happy place is a personal one. What brings joy to others may not bring joy to you, and that’s absolutely OK.
- If staying at home on Sunday and doing absolutely nothing is what you want, nothing wrong with doing so.
- Eat the cake that you have been longing to eat for quite a long time.
- Read the book that lies on your table for as long as you remember.
- You are allowed to cancel the plan if you feel your energy is draining.
- It’s OK to stay in bed all day long once in a while.
- If bathroom singing puts a smile on your face, do it.
- Dance while you cook and hum while you clean.
- Calm coffee in a cozy café might be merry to some of you.
- Let the wind flow with your hair while you cycle on a Sunday morning.
The path to finding your happiness is a process, and quite frankly, it’s a lifelong process. Don’t be hard on yourself if you cannot immediately identify it. As you unlock each door in the trail, you will applaud yourself for how much joy you had within yourselves. All it truly takes is genuine efforts from yourself to understand yourself.
On a similar note, it would be healthy if you don’t judge somebody’s definition of happiness. As simple as it sounds. Live and let live but don’t live a lie. Someone’s opinion of you doesn’t have to become your reality. You don’t have to go through your life being a victim.
If you think that I have mastered all these ideas and that I am truly following all of them religiously, you may be mistaken. For instance, during the journey of writing this article itself, I have hit lows (one of them being rock bottom) more than highs. There were days when I didn’t follow any of the things that I mentioned in this article. There were mornings when I didn’t want to get up from bed and go to work. I have felt the need to not eat food. But, what truly kept me going on those gloomy days was the words that I wrote in this article. I read the same thing over and over until the words sank. So, even though I haven’t mastered the ideas entirely, I do know that I am on the right path. I will definitely take time. I trust that I will eventually follow all these on a regular basis. I understand that it’s easier said than done. But at some point in time, words have to be spoken out loud to understand them in the first place. For that, I use these points as reminders for myself. I hope they will be reminders for you too.
In case you notice that your mental well-being is deteriorating, don’t be hesitant to seek professional help. It might be frightening to seek help initially and honestly, I was afraid too. But, I took that leap of faith and it made all the difference. Asking for help is a sign of strength and it is the first step towards breaking your own barriers.
