The Magic that Happens When We Gather

This year is the first that many meetings, reunions, and conferences that had gone virtual during the pandemic, are returning to physical space — and those return gatherings hit different.

The National Sexual Assault Conference (NSAC) 2023 was no exception — Resonance was a sponsor this year in San Franscisco, and the four sessions we hosted there have us thinking about the magic that happens when people gather. The magic that happens when the people in a room can really be present to one another, and what is possible together.

As the team gets back into holding space IRL, we’re reflecting on the ways that happens — and what we can do, as facilitators, to help create space where folks feel able to be fully present. People who’ve participated in Resonance events have reflected on the special sauce that shapes them, and we’re reflecting on the recipe. What do these spaces ask of us — as participants, and as facilitators? What ingredients invite richness and possibility? How do we cultivate presence?

Resonance program team, Kassamira Carter-Howard and Yesenia Veamatahau, alongside Resonance practitioner and co-facilitator, Chingwell Mutombu, came together recently to reflect on their experiences at NSAC, and the elements that made the 4 sessions we facilitated — on worldbuilding, collective governance, storytelling, and transformative justice — feel so vibrant and full of possibility. Here’s what surfaced:

Openness to connection

“People showed up differently in this conference,” said Kass. “I attended the last conference before the pandemic, and it was just a very different energy this year. You could just feel the way that people missed each other. They missed being in person. Walking through the different spaces, you were always seeing a moment of connection. You were by the elevator, and someone was saying ‘oh my gosh, I haven’t seen you in ages!’ and they were hugging and making plans for lunch. The foyer was constantly filled with people reconnecting. Not in a formality-between-co-workers kind of way, but like, ‘I genuinely missed you as a human.’ And that really permeated the entire conference.”

This sense of leaning into connection made so much possible. Connections happened organically, with ease and joy. People lingered in conversation till the last moments, even as we were having to tidy up the room for the next session. There was an expansiveness and a vibrance throughout the sessions that really brought the spaces to life. And we began our sessions with gentle breathing and physical practice to support us all in being fully present with one another.

Technicolor

“Kass, you were sitting with the sound bowls. There was music, the altar, crayons and art supplies. …The room felt so full, and also so interconnected and lively,” reflected Chingwell.

A number of people arrived to our first workshop — on worldbuilding — who hadn’t signed up. They were just drawn in by the energy in the room.

“I’m thinking about the old Wizard of Oz movie — it was one of my favorite movies growing up, because everything is black and white in the beginning and then when it changes to color, that was everything to me. And that’s kind of what I felt like the first morning we got to the conference hotel. There was a lot of white and grey and rooms set up with chairs in rows, and a screen at the front, and I feel like we created such a sensory experience that the room just felt so full. And there was so much color,” said Yesenia.

Each of our sessions had an altar space, that participants were invited to contribute to. Items like herbs, flowers, stones, artwork, mementos of loved ones we were inviting into the space, and missives on slips of paper — a stuffed cow made an appearance in one session. The altars were colorful — red, yellow, orange, purple, warm and vibrant hues and really shifted the energy of the room, offering grounding to participants who stopped by to add something to it, or just to bear witness to what others had offered.

“I feel like it just hits your body in a different way when you can see and feel not just the energy in the room, but how it can feel different from out in the hall, or the next room over. And it’s like ‘oh, okay, we can actually create something.’ And it feels really cool,” Yesenia added.

Trusting the story that wants to be told

Resonance’s storytelling practice emerges in moments — practitioners settle into their bodies, and tell the story that wants to surface, which often emerges in relationship to other folks’ stories. The magic that happens when a circle of people are in that practice together, is an experience that Mending the Arc practitioners know well. And can best be told…with a story:

“I was feeling a little shy, co-facilitating the transformative justice workshop. And then I thought, there’s no hierarchy in story. When we’re sharing story, we’re all just in a circle together. And I ended up sharing my story in this field of gender and domestic violence, and my own personal stake in it. And that came to what repair and transformative justice have looked like for me and my family. I didn’t know I was going to go there, but I trusted that was the story that wanted to be told.

I remember saying I got involved in this work because I thought that’s where I could make my contribution, and that even if it couldn’t happen for my family, I could contribute to others’ healing and wellbeing. And then through being with Resonance, I thought, ‘Why can’t it be for me and my family too? We’re also deserving of that healing.

The next day, in the WeGovern workshop, there were a few people who had been in the transformative justice workshop the day before, and they came up to me afterward to share that my story had really resonated for them — and that they’d come to the WeGovern workshop because of that story.

And on the altar that we had set up for that workshop, we put a bunch of different objects there that people could hold if they felt connected to them, and she had picked this stone that my partner’s auntie had given me as a gift.

And so I felt all of these interconnections — this person connected with my story, came to this workshop, and then ended up picking a stone that was a gift from a loved one. It just felt very powerful.”

Making space for being (rather than doing)

The truth is, that when you show up to a space fully, leaning into connection, trusting that your presence is enough, there is a flow that happens — and others can feel it. Kass described it as, “the beauty in being.” The presence that Resonance’s story practice invites, as Yesenia described, also invites an organic unfolding.

Chingwell reflected on the spaces we held: “There is room for all of the stories to come to life. And there was a deep sense of relaxation in the room. People’s shoulders were relaxed. People lingered in the end, instead of rushing out. I really felt that we were there to be, not to do.”

She added, “Every time I see the image that is still with me — and strongly — Is just the way everybody stood up out of their chair and went to the floor to make art. And the beauty and the ease. Each and everyone created what was calling. Yes, the prompts were given, but there was also a following of the heart. People just went there. There was an ease of connecting with one another. And it was just a sea of beauty, the colors. It also kind of looked like people became part of the art they were creating on the floor. We all became part of the art. The being and the chatter and the joy.”

Letting resonance unfold

When we trust the stories that want to be told, and allow ourselves to be present for them — and for each other — they have a way of resonating with the people in the room. The energy of authenticity carries them forward, landing with others, and serving as an invitation into authenticity, presence, and connection from fellow storytellers.

As Yesenia reflected, Yesenia reflected, “When you’re showing up to a space, whether or not you’re aware of it, your presence is putting something out. It’s not just a one-way thing, where someone is presenting and then people just take it and go. We’re all part of a space. So I can also get energy back from y’all when you’re witnessing and deeply listening to what I’m putting out there.”

In short, this is the practice of resonance… Resonance is something that happens when one vibration matches another…and when they meet, they amplify each other. That’s the magic that happens, when the energy of one person’s authenticity matches another’s — that vibration is exponential when resonance happens in a room with even more folks on the same wavelength.

This is the space we aim to cultivate: where deep connection, and radical imagination are possible.

This is the kind of connection we’re all craving — all the more, as we emerge into in-person space after years of isolation and disconnection. It is powerful to feel what is possible in those spaces — all the more so in the world we’re building, if it’s rooted in that place.