How Lizzo Taught My Inner Voice to Be Kinder

In March 2018, I was completely caught off guard to find that both boyfriend and I were simultaneously going through a quarter-life crisis. We’d been together since high school and pushed through the ups and downs of our 20’s. For good measure, we decided to close out the decade by living separately and figuring out who we were outside of our relationship. I can happily report that this was one of the best decisions we’ve made as a couple, and we are back together and stronger than ever. But 2018 was a hell of a year, and Lizzo sang me through it. More importantly than getting through the breakup, she’s taught me (and continues to teach me) that I’ve got to be kinder to myself. Raise your hand if your inner voice is kind of a jerk.

Breakup or not, I find myself continually being my worst critic. In my rational mind, I know I’m killing it. My work is good, my writing is taking off, I have amazing friends, and I’m slowly getting my health in check. So why do I have this tiny asshole in my brain telling me I suck? I talk about it in therapy constantly, and my girlfriends and I talk regularly about how we all have this tendency. But somehow I still find a way to get down on myself for being down on myself. What kind of psycho-level is the female brain?

Once that negative self-talk infiltrates your mind, it’s hard to turn off. I remember being in the third grade, sitting in class, thinking about how fat my legs looked in my plaid shorts. I looked around at other girls and tried to emulate how they sat in their chairs. I was constantly trying to figure out how I could get my legs to look thinner and not so wide on the chair. That insecure little girl still lives in my mind, wondering how I can shrink down to be smaller. But Lizzo takes that mentality and asks us all, “why?” Why would we want to shrink ourselves down to be smaller? To take up less space? Who would we be giving that space to, anyway?

At the time of our breakup, Lizzo had just released her now-viral hit, “Truth Hurts.” I’ll never forget the exact moment when my girlfriend sent me a link to her music video, saying, “Dude, watch this over and over, it will help.” As the world now knows, it’s a masterpiece — the perfect combination of humor and power.

Since then, every song she’s written has been a reminder that women are badasses, and that sometimes you need to give yourself a little love and attention, cry a bit, and woman up. If you’ve been sleeping on her other songs, girlfriend, buy them now. Here are my top 10 lyrics to persuade you. I swear everything this woman creates is gold.

Lyrics to Crush Your Destructive Inner Voice & To Help You Push Through

1. “So if you fight like a girl, cry like a girl. Do your thing, run the whole damn world.” Song: Like a Girl, Album: Cuz I Love You
2. “Come now, come dry your eyes. You know you a star; you can touch the sky. I know that it’s hard, but you have to try.” Song: Good as Hell, Album: Coconut Oil
3. “True love ain’t something you can buy yourself. True love finally happens when you by yourself. So if you by yourself, then go and buy yourself another round from the bottle on the higher shelf.” Song: Soulmate, Album: Cuz I Love You
4. “Got to take a deep breath, time to focus on you. All the big fights, long nights that you been through, I got a bottle of Tequila I been saving for you. Boss up and change your life, you can have it all, no sacrifice.” Song: Good as Hell, Album: Coconut Oil
5. “No, I’m not a snack at all. Look, baby, I’m the whole damn meal.” Song: Juice, Album: Cuz I Love You
6. “When I look at you, I see me, so I do unto you as I would do someone livin’ in my two-story. We got different stories, we under one roof. So when it springs a leak, we both got work to do.” Song: Coconut Oil, Album: Coconut Oil
7. “But it’s so hard to say goodbye. I don’t need to apologize; us big girls got to cry.” Song: Crybaby, Album: Cuz I Love You
8. “If I knew then what I know now, I’d give myself a souvenir for old times’ sake.’ Cause I got all that I need here, and I’m good.” Song: Coconut Oil, Album: Coconut Oil
9. “Cry ’cause I want to. Smile if I want to. Yes, I can love ’cause I want to. Or get so mad I could scream. That’s exactly how I feel.” Song: That’s Exactly How I Feel, Album: Cuz I Love You
10. “I step on the stage. The scene was serene. They ask my name. Said it was Queen.” Song: Pants vs. Dresses, Album: Lizzobangers
11. “If I’m shinin’, everybody gonna shine. I was born like this; don’t even gotta try. I’m like chardonnay, get better over time. Heard you say I’m not the baddest, bitch, you lied.” Song: Juice, Album: Cuz I Love You

Dear friends, if you struggle like I do, I hope you look some of these songs up. Going through a breakup? Lizzo can help with that. Struggling with imposter syndrome and wondering if you’re good enough? Lizzo can help with that. Feeling insecure and wanting to shrink yourself down so that you can hide more easily? Lizzo can help with that. I listen to her lyrics like a mantra to myself; I’m good enough, my feelings are okay to feel, and I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got. And what I’ve got is pretty damn good.