Songs I Relate To #2
‘The Rock Doc’ by Fruit Bats
The song “The Rock Doc” begins with the lyric, “Heard you’re not feeling so hot/you should go and see the Rock Doc/He’ll give you a B12 shot/ maybe fix you up.”
At my sister’s wedding weekend about seven years ago, I thought gin was going to be my drink of choice. I’ve had problems with mental illness since 2005, and I shouldn’t drink at all, especially not to excess. My wife said she stopped counting my drinks at 20. I got terribly sick on the way back home early the next morning after the wedding. One of my flights was through Chicago. Eric Johnson of Fruit Bats used to be from Chicago, and maybe we crossed paths. Who knows? I was in rare form, and I definitely needed a “rock doc and B12 shot.”
The lyric, “I can still see you’re a scared cub/ want to be loved by everyone,/Baby it’s time that you should slow it up/ sick of seeing you bailing and throw it up,” summarizes a few incidences with my family.
My family enjoys drinking and having a good time, but they have a tolerance for alcohol, and most can usually handle the alcohol without issue. My siblings and I are spread out across the country, so I rarely get the chance to see them. When we get together, I try to fit in but lose track of my alcohol intake when I try to keep up. Because I want to be loved by everyone, but my problems with alcohol keep repeating themselves.
I almost lost my wife from that night, and she is the best thing to ever happen to me. I have found that sobriety is best for me nowadays.
In 2005, when I was just 19, I lost it the first time. When I lost it, and broke down and stole some cigarettes to get the police to arrest me. I thought I was going to change the world with a delusional way to solve global warming.
Another lyric that I probably wanted was, “Maybe just good old beauty and truth, or just some girls to talk to.” I was trying so hard to find love and fun back then and went crazy in the process. I was trying so f*ing hard, burning my candle at both ends till it reached a point of psychosis.
Another note from the song: Back in 2005, my truck would shut down when it rained hard, and it had to do with my distributor caps getting wet, which affected the spark plugs. I had damaged my truck from a wreck in high school. I was stranded on my way to college shortly before my episode. My dad had to tow me to a dealership to get my truck fixed. This goes with the lyric, “I tried so hard back when/and I blew one too many spark plugs/and I tried so hard it broke me.”
I had a chance to interact with Eric D. Johnson during COVID-19 because he had a Patreon service during that time. I didn’t elaborate on these exact details, but I did share some of my story and my article about my journey.
He told me the song was all about self-care. I imagine Eric Johnson also went through hard times trying to find himself. As the song ends, “Just try to love, and you’ll be loved.” I think the message is simple. You don’t have to change the world in some grandiose jester. Just be yourself, and you’ll find love.
This song coincides with my life, but it’s strange how you can sometimes relate to exact details in music.
