The Beatles Song That Many Beatlemaniacs Love . . . to Hate, But I Love it!

The Beatles — “If You’ve Got Trouble”

John and Paul wrote it for Ringo to sing for the Help! album, but “[t]hat the song wasn’t working as planned can be heard in Ringo’s desperate call before the guitar solo: ‘Ah, rock on — anybody!’” (The Beatles Bible)

Beatles know-it-all (in the best way!) Mark Lewisohn says that “[t]he Beatles captured the basic track . . . in a single take and then lead and backing vocals were overdubbed, but the overall sound did not gel” (liner notes to The Beatles Anthology 2) and that it was “not one of the better Lennon–McCartney numbers … nor was it brilliantly performed.” (The Beatles Recording Sessions) It didn’t see the (official) light of day until Anthology 2.

George Harrison said, “We’ve just come across that, and it’s the most weird song. I’ve no recollection of ever recording it. It’s got stupid words and is the naffest song. No wonder it didn’t make it onto anything.” (The Beatles Anthology)

Ian MacDonald said the song is “the only unmitigated disaster in the Lennon–McCartney catalogue”! (Revolution in the Head: The Beatles’ Records and the Sixties)

The Beatles Bible says it “bears the unfortunate hallmarks of the two songwriters going through the motions: uninspired lyrics about diamond rings, ‘money and things,’ references to Starr’s haplessness (his persona within the group’s early years was that of an amiable clown), and a tune which was less than inspired.”

“George’s solo is so bad to border on the sarcastic. Yet it works in a sort of “so bad it’s good, avant-garde” way.” (Bungalow Bob)“Holy crap that’s an awful song and Harrison’s lead is absolutely dreadful. It sounds like a band practicing in someone’s basement. Poor Ringo.” (Ron Nasty)

But the song does get some love. “My most favorite bad Beatles song. Love it.” (davidmarshall7752)“This is actually a really good song. It’s sad they scrapped it but I’m happy they put it on Anthology.” (umno806) “This song is so good that I unliked it just so I could like it again.” (kyledonahue9315) “I think this song was ahead of it’s time. Maybe that’s why It was scrapped. George’s hypnotic guitar riff with Ringo’s vocal and that monotone oh oh. Gives it a punk sound. Love it.” (babu357)

Richie Unterberger tells us :

One of the strangest early Beatles songs . . . . [o]n relatively rare occasions when critics have discussed [it] at all, they’ve usually been very derisive about the song. It’s true that it wasn’t up to the usual Beatles standard, and it’s not hard to see why it was passed over for release, but really, it’s not so bad. The tune’s not as melodious as most the Beatles wrote, but its ringing, circular guitar riffs are very much in keeping with the group’s 1965 arrangements, actually sounding more like their Rubber Soul era than their Help! one. . . . What’s oddest about “If You’ve Got Trouble[]” . . . are the lyrics. . . . [T]hey are goofier and more sardonic than anything else John Lennon and Paul McCartney had come up with before that year. The thrust? If you’ve got problems, you should get a load of mine! It almost sounded like a satire of clichéd whiny pop lyrics. Maybe it was felt that Starr’s sad-sack image suited that kind of tune. If that was so, Starr seem to take them entirely seriously, shouting, “Oh rock on, anybody!” right before the instrumental break. For all its lack of seriousness, “If You Got Trouble” is hummable, likable, and performed with good-natured spirit.

They could at least have given it to Billy J. Kramer! It’s like your mother used to tell you, don’t throw away good food, they’re starving in . . .

See my website at bracefortheobscure60srock.com.