You’re in Control
Getting over someone: It’s a process and doesn’t happen overnight.
It may not even happen after several months. Healing is not linear. Time heals all. But there will be relapse sometimes. Especially if you were addicted to that person like a drug. And it was a toxic relationship.
For months I grappled with getting over someone who was immensely important to me for three years. But our relationship was toxic. I don’t even want to get into it. I’ve written about it so many times before. What is different here is that I’m on the other end of the battle. I have gotten over this person.
Ten months later.
And I am writing this to show you that no matter how impossible it may seem to move on, you can and will do it. There is so much more to life than being hung up on someone who doesn’t give a shit about you and never will again.
What was the major tipping point for me? It was probably when I got closure. Or my own version of closure. She didn’t give it to me, I found it for myself.
And sometimes there will be no closure, so this is a really important skill to learn for yourself. This is how I found my closure. I saw her again after all those months of thinking and obsessing and going crazy over something that I couldn’t fix.
When I saw her, I knew immediately. It was over. We had nothing to say to each other. That was the first step. It took a few days of thinking, reflecting. To acknowledge what I knew deep down in my heart all along. That I needed to move on.
I had spent all this time with false hopes that I would be able to rekindle our relationship. I had never accepted that it was over. Moving on all comes from acceptance.
Acceptance that it’s over. Acceptance that you may never get closure.
The end of a relationship doesn’t have to be big or dramatic for you to be hurt immensely.
I felt anger. I had been the adult, I had given the peace offering over and over again to either no response or a negative one. I thought I deserved a second chance. And I thought that after all the time that passed, she would be willing to offer me one. But seeing her was awful and uncomfortable, and I realized that I just had to leave it be.
It is what it is.
And I know now that I am so much better off for it.
The constant drama, the control she had over me, everything, it was just too much for me to handle. I feel like the weight has been lifted from me. The control that she had over me far after our relationship ended is honestly sickening and I feel pissed off that it happened, but mostly relieved that it’s over.
Never let someone have that kind of control over you.
It’s so hard though because there’s a reason why it’s so difficult to get out of a toxic relationship. Because it’s not all bad. There’s enough good that makes you think that it’s worth staying. There’s a little voice in your head saying that she’ll be better next time, or she’ll be in a good mood the next time you see her.
But then she kicks you to the ground and stamps on your self confidence.
Never settle for someone that treats you like shit.
Period.
Wherever you are in your relationship: in it and unhappy, out of it and unhappy, you can make a change. Moving on takes time, but it is attainable. But don’t just wait for it to happen. You can be proactive and make choices that will lead you out of the funk. Start by trying to find your own sense of closure. If there is truly no closure, you will have to accept that.
I really do believe that time heals all. But there are certain steps you can take to help the process. And messy relationships cannot be solved overnight. So be patient with yourself. Take things one day at a time.
Do not let that person control you one day longer.
