The Pawnee Breakfast Knopechos and Good Will Punting
We take nachos to the next level.
Sometimes when you start a project there is an outlandish and exciting side possibility in the distance. Maybe we’ll get a superstar to narrate our video, maybe we’ll go on a trip to Brazil to do research, maybe we’ll get a free lunch out of it and just not go back to the office. The Breakfast Nacho (or Indianapolis Colts Pawnee Leslie Knope-cho) was that possibility in this project, and we have arrived at that glorious and unlikely outcome.
BUT CAN WE PULL IT OFF? Yes! …. or maybe.
The Breakfast Nacho is not a new idea. Many have tried, few have succeeded. One person made veggie breakfast nachos with tofu scramble. Someone else topped flour tortillas with a fried egg, which is a blatant tortilla violation, and another went traditional corn chip with fried egg. This guy got damn close with roasted peppers and an avocado cream. But this ain’t no chilaquiles, even though those are a gift from heaven. We need to get to the essence of breakfast. Does that mean maple syrup cheese? Possibly.
Because we are honoring Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson, we need waffles, eggs, bacon. Because we’re making nachos we need chips and cheese. I’ll allow for salsa because I am not a monster.
The 8 of you who have kept up with this project know that my obsession for this nacho has been to make a waffle corn chip. Hand-weaving each chip was insane, so I tried other binders or shortcuts.
No dice.
I went to Google in desparation, more times than I’d like to admit. One of those searches was for “weaved corn chips”. Apparently “corn chip smell” is a problem with some hair weaves, and washing with Listerine is a solution. Thanks for the education, algorithm. (This is where I suggest you watch the Chris Rock documentary “Good Hair”.)
Back to nachos.
The solution, naturally, was the waffle iron, some very careful cutting, and a little egg for good measure.
Solid construction, brushed with oil, baked and salted. Next time I’d fry it since it was so thick and crunchy. On top: rosemary eggs, tempeh bacon, cheese, and the secret sauce: maple syrup salsa. SWEET AND SPICY.
BOOYAH.
BUT THERE WAS ANOTHER NACHO.
I hate the Patriots. In 1986, the Raiders were the #1 seed in the AFC playoffs, and my Dad took us to a bar to watch the game. In his defense, this is the only time my father took his kids into a bar. Also, it might have just been a pizzeria that had beer. More importantly, there was the standup arcade game Q-Bert. The Raiders were upset by the wild card Patriots, and I was devastated, mainly because my brothers kept hogging the Q-Bert machine.
In short: I don’t like the Patriots. I also don’t like Boston much. I went kayaking in the filthy Charles River and had to roll out of my kayak as part of the lesson, so now I have 14 rare types of cancer growing in me.
Enter Paul Yee.
Paul is a cinematographer/DP and all-around good dude who helped bring our bookstore league basketball team three straight championships. Or something like that. Who even keeps track of those?
Regardless of how many times he dunked from the free throw line or not, Paul is also a great cooker and eater of foodstuffs. He gloriously volunteered to take up the New England side of the table.
Paul crushed it with his Good Will Punting, aka I Gotta Go See About Some Nachos, aka It’s Not Your Fault Nachos. “Good Will Hunting” was the first movie I saw in the theater that I remember crying at. (Or, in Irish male terms, I shed one or two tears that barely made it over my eyelids).
I may have cried a little at these nachos as well.
Butter poached lobster? CHECK. Bean foam? CHECK. Duck leg? CHECK. And more and more. Much like the Patriots against the Colts, Paul’s nachos were unstoppable.
READ ALL ABOUT HIS AWESOME NACHOS AND
SEE REALLY GOOD PHOTOS ON HIS BLOG.
He also makes some deepcut jokes about Good Will Hunting, if you enjoy reading about
Matt Damon’s frosted tips.
Football happened on Sunday. I guess it was good or bad depending on who you rooted for. More importantly, we ate nachos.
On Breaking Madden, Jon pitted a team of Tom Bradys against a team of 7 foot tall 400 pound Colts with zero football awareness. That would have been better for the Colts.
R.I.P. Breakfast Nachos.
In the NFC championship, the Seahawks and Packers battled to see if I would redo the salmon nachos or make a cheese curd nacho for the Nacho Bowl. The Packers let it slip through their fingers at the end of the second half while I was at a birthday party drawing pictures with kids (#parkslopelife). And so we’ve reached the finale.
THE NACHO BOWL HAPPENS ON SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 1.
THE SEAHAWKS (maybe a grunge nacho?) VS. THE PATRIOTS (Touchdown Tom Something Something).
