“Looks Do Not Matter,” Is Just a Matter Of Words
The perspective of a psoriasis patient on the physical looks of a person
This quote seems as false as life to me. I see life as an illusion after being diagnosed with Psoriasis. Nearly 100 million people are affected by this disease worldwide, and I am part of that group.
It has not been easy living with this disease so far in my life. One fine day, while I was returning from school on my bicycle, I felt dryness on my neck, and I was sweating a lot. I thought it was due to cycling, but it was the first sign of Psoriasis. I was 16 at that time, a young individual, full of life, ambitious, and ready to knock down the obstacles. But I could not knock down this disease.
Many people have patches of Psoriasis on their bodies. Some have it on their palms, legs, hair, thighs, or their stomach or chest. I am the lucky one, chosen by Psoriasis itself; I have patches on my whole body. The whole freaking body…
I sometimes ask myself, what were the sins I did in this life or past life that I have this condition. The worst thing about this condition is that it is visible to everyone, and it is on my face too. My whole body is dry all the time with red patches. I do not want to meet new people because they judge me by how I look.
They judge me before even talking to me. Recruiters judge me by condition and whether I will be a team player with all this going on with me. Whether people will accept me for who I am or not! I have faced a lot in the last seven years just because I do not look like a normal person.
I have talent too. I have been doing Web Development since childhood. Whenever I go to meetups or gatherings, one of the first questions I am asked is, “What is that on your face? What happened to you? Are you okay?” I get pity looks. I see everyone sympathizing with me, and I do not want it. Not at all.
I am tired of telling people about my disease nowadays. I just tell them it is just an allergy. It just crushes down my self-esteem when I need to have a conversation with someone.
Because of this, I do not talk to anyone, do not go out, work with some clients at home who pay me enough so I can live my life easily. This disease has crushed me as a person.
When people say “Looks Do not Matter,” I just want to ask them, do they really mean it? Because I do not think that they mean it in. Anyway, people are just dumb.
I thought maybe my country, my people are like that, judging me all the time, so I moved to a new country just beside the USA. And guess what, people over there are worse than mine. I was cursed on my face about my condition. I was asked to do a dishwashing job just because I must not be in the food industry at all. I was asked to do garbage, floor & gutter cleaning just because I do not look good. Though I have an Engineering degree, I am equal to someone who has never gone to school.
When I tell my story to friends & family, I get told, “It must be you who did not try.” People show me the great heroes who fought the world despite having a worse condition than mine. And I feel bad for myself. I do not know what to do.
I have no idea where life is taking me. I am just there, resting on my couch, making enough to have food for the day. I have cried a lot that, now when I cry there is no sound of me crying, just the tears, tearing apart of heart.
So, looks do matter in real life, and people fucking judge you based on that. No one is there to support you. Your families will also stop supporting you after a time, seeing you as one useless person. It is hard to live life when people judge you every second you are awake.
I just can hope that no one else gets this disease. It just puts you in an open jail.
