Peace In, Peace Out
How do I stay so calm?
As I grow older, I realize how valuable it is to exude inner calm and control, especially when the past year's collective energy has been nothing but chaotic. I want to experience more moments for what it is without disruptive thoughts or feelings of pressure on my chest or a pit in my stomach.
I’d like to think I’m rather “chill” most of the time. A “California cool.” When I picture my best self, that’s what I see.
There’s no secret recipe for inner peace. But inner peace does have everything to do with who you are as a person, what you do when nobody’s looking, how you treat yourself and others, and whether or not you’re fully aware of your thoughts and emotions.
Stoicism teaches us the dichotomy of control. News flash: we can control very little. Epictetus is a Greek stoic philosopher who said:
“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.”
Furthermore, he stated:
“Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions.”
If we understand this tenet, that we can’t control anything but our own thoughts and actions, then nothing external can move our needle. It’s all about being mindful and working from within.
If our thoughts create our experiences and our reality, then in order to take accountability for what we do, we first have to be aware of our thoughts. It links directly to our emotions and behaviors.
Someone once said to me that I’m “too polite.” My natural tendency is to be a dove. Often not choosing to speak up. Whatever we are not changing, we are choosing. And it didn’t seem to serve me well in life to bury thoughts and skate through, distracting myself from whatever uncomfortable emotion or situation I didn’t want to feel.
Nowadays, I believe in fully experiencing both the good and the bad. It means we’re living. We all have contrasts. It’s like being a wilted plant, and instead of watering it, you paint it over with a green plant.
You don’t have to be a perfectly serene person 24/7. We’re not a tropical screensaver, after all. But now I have more tools and better habits to help me garner more inner peace with things like:
- Taking a walk or anything that moves my body
- Keeping my space tidy and clean
- Avoiding my phone when waking up and going to bed
- Writing things down and processing them
- Setting boundaries and learning to say “no”
- Gaining perspective or putting myself in the other’s shoes
- Seeking therapy
- Slowing down via meditation or deep breaths
- Speaking slower when I’m nervous or upset
- Applying the “asteroid effect” to move forward (if an asteroid were to hit Earth and life as we know it is going to end, is it still worth stressing, worrying, or fighting for?)
Once you know how good you can feel, it’s hard to go back to a different way of living. Protecting calm is a way to be kind to ourselves.
