Arizona Is Like Seinfeld’s Bizarro World!
So there I was in my BMW 320i driving in front of my step dad who was driving the packed U-Haul, and we were just about to cross the border from Canada into the United States — knowing that this move for me, would probably be for good.
Being born in the States yet raised in Canada, I had never actually lived in my birth country, but I was excited for the transition. Why was I moving? Well, I had enrolled in the Arizona Golf Academy for the fall of 1997 and I decided to move a few months earlier to get acclimated to the desert summer months not to mention to get used to my apartment and to the City of Phoenix in general. Looking back, moving from Victoria, Canada on Vancouver Island, to Phoenix, Arizona was a life-altering culture shock. I’ll never forget the drive down through Washington and Oregon, through Northern California, across the desert from Tehachapi through Blythe and onward to Phoenix. I felt as if I were in another world, and for all intents and purposes, I was.
Arriving in the city of Phoenix was just as surreal. It was April, but the temperature was already approaching the ninety degree mark, and not having any air conditioning in my car certainly gave me some apprehension for driving in the coming months, I knew that it would be much warmer. Oh well, 460 air conditioning it would have to be (4 windows down at 60 MPH).
I settled into an apartment in Chandler — a suburb south and east of downtown — and relatively close to the academy. My longterm girlfriend, still living in Canada, was set to come down and visit soon and stay for the summer months, and I couldn’t wait for her arrival. In the meantime, I searched for a job to help pay the bills — then came summer.
Oh my God it was hot! Unlike anything I had ever experienced before in my life. Air conditioners ran 24/7 everywhere, except in my car, and every time you opened the door you felt as if you were walking into a dry sauna with absolutely no escape. I distinctly remember walking from my apartment to the pool, only to have my running shoe soles melt to the blacktop of the parking lot. It was July, and this was my first experience at how different Arizona was. Now I realized why people left Arizona in the summer months. As I think about it now, aside from perhaps Hawaii, it is the only state that sees fewer people in the summer for vacation and more people during the winter. Arizona is like Seinfeld’s Bizarro World!
When my girlfriend finally arrived, I also had two close friends down from Victoria as well. We played golf in 115 degree weather, went to restaurants, endured afternoon monsoons and in general explored what this new world was about. My friends left after a two week stay, and my girlfriend and I were left to fend for ourselves. We further explored the state — we drove down to Tombstone for the day, jaunted over to Tortilla Flat and Canyon Lake and tubed down the Salt River. It was a blast! Alas the summer ended and she returned to Canada to finish her last semester. At the time, the plan was to have her return permanently a few months later, by New Years 1998.
Overall I enjoyed the first few months in Phoenix, I didn’t regret any part of my move at all.
By the time autumn arrived, I laughed because I quickly learned that there aren’t four seasons in Arizona. There’s summer eight months of the year, then a cooler version or “summer light” for the remaining four months. The one saving grace was that in the desert, the “winter” months’ overnight temperature did have a tendency to dip close to freezing mark, but the days were still relatively comfortable anywhere between 55–65 degrees. I quit my tending job as the nights were getting longer and my days shorter, and that didn’t bode well for the golf academy either. Soon after starting classes, I realized that not only was my golf game well behind some of the other students, but at 27, I was also the oldest person enrolled as well. I became discouraged, so I quit and decided to focus on finding a job in my comfort zone — hospitality.
After working in restaurant for years, it was still a passion of mine and I was very eager to find something that could be a career. I landed an interview for an Assistant Director of Food and Beverage position at a golf resort in Gold Canyon — about thirty minutes east from home. The drive there was all freeway, and the property was typical desert scape and well manicured, so I was amped to land the position knowing that the commute would be quite easy and the place was breathtaking. I first met with the Director of HR and after a fun-filled half hour discussion with her, she passed me on to the Director of Food & Beverage for a second interview. I liked him immediately. Needless to say, he hired me for the position and thus my career had shifted, and I had started working in hotels and resorts.
Gold Canyon to this day, was one of the most beautiful properties I’ve ever had the pleasure of being an employee. It is quintessential Arizona. Desert scaped land with two target style golf courses and hotel casitas wrapping in and out of the base of Dinosaur Mountain. After six months of working there, and finding out that my longterm girlfriend wasn’t returning to Arizona, I decided to move closer and live out in the Gold Canyon area. At first, I was excited to live in such a remote yet beautiful spot, but that began to turn a bit when I started coming across some of the wildlife. Now, I wasn’t naive enough at the time, to not know that the desert is full of animals, insects, reptiles and some unfriendly elements. Working at Gold Canyon prepared me for some of that — I saw the occasional rattlesnake, javelina or scorpion on the resort property and it was a huge deal to me. In fact, it was cool.
I moved into a new condo that one of the members of Gold Canyon had built and he was anxious to get some tenants. It was a small yet beautiful six apartment building just off the main street in the heart of the town. It was a great location! In the garden area I started seeing tarantulas, scorpions, and snakes almost every day, but it really didn’t bother me that much and I just chalked it up as a unique feature to where I lived. Then, I happened to inconveniently accept a new job as well, I worked as a GM of a restaurant at The Boulders in North Scottsdale. The commute was a full hour each way, which also meant that I would be getting home mostly at night, into a place that was not what you would call, well lit. Great for star gazing however!
Then, the Utopian atmosphere of living in the desert turned.
The first thing that happened was that on my way home one night, I bought a box of fresh baked cookies at the local store and I made the mistake of placing them on my kitchen counter overnight. I woke up the next morning to make a coffee, only to discover that the box was completely covered in ants. And the horrifying thing was that these weren’t the normal tiny “army” ants that follow one after the other, no no no, these were scavenger ants of all shapes, sizes and colors invading this box of cookies. Yuck! Needless to say I was a bit freaked out and I quickly dispatched the box into the outside trash bin and for the rest of the day I was itchy, as I played exterminator while I scrubbed, cleaned and disinfected my entire kitchen.
The second thing that put me over the edge, was I came home one night and turned on the lights in my bathroom only to see two shadowy scorpion-like figures pacing back and forth inside the fluorescent light cover. Just like every other normal person would do at that moment, I checked every light fixture in the place and shuddered with the thought of anything crawling in my home. I don’t think I slept well that evening!
Speaking of crawling, the final thing that got to me was while watching a movie. Yes a movie. Settling in, I had the lights off and only the glow of the TV illuminating the condo. I had just taken a mouthful of popcorn and then I felt something crawling on my bare left arm, and it was big. I must have jumped three feet into the air, and spat all three kernels of popcorn just as high, as I flipped on the light only to find that I had shook off a centipede that had found its way on to me from the floor. All I could do was just stare at this four inch copper colored invader as it scurried into a dark corner, only to meet its demise by my largest boot 30 seconds later. This all occurred within a two month time frame.
As you could probably deduce from here, only a few weeks passed before I broke my lease and moved from Gold Canyon to a more urban environment in North Phoenix. It was the smartest and most comfortable move I made as the only thing I had to deal with there, was the heat.
Living in Arizona was great! The history, the beauty and the wildlife of the state opened my eyes to a world that I only saw through magazines and TV shows and it gave me an unparalleled life experience. However, about a year before moving away, I did open my balcony door of my last apartment in Arizona, only to be swarmed and bit by several hornets that had built a nest right above the doorway!
Yep, I love visiting Arizona! Needless to say, I now live in California.
