Dating App Icebreakers from a Manic Pixie Dream Girl
Let’s not start with the normal greetings. Let’s start with good-bye. No one ever starts with good-bye, so here goes, “good-bye.”
Is that really your cat in your photos? I love cats. My friends joke that I’m the cat lady in our friend group, but I’m really highly sexual and always have a boyfriend. But I love cats so much.
Whatever happened to mixtapes? Do you remember mixtapes? No one makes anyone a mixtape anymore. Mixtapes ☺
Don’t you just miss the sound of vinyl?
I feel like not enough women ask you how you’re feeling. How are you? How are you *really?*
If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. Nietzsche.
. . . hey
Don’t worry. I’m smart but I won’t make you feel insecure about your own intelligence.
Enough about my own goals. Why are you stuck in your life rut?
I can get lost into your dating app profile photo’s eyes. They’re filled with such sadness.
We should drive in a car with the windows down, listening to Wilco.
You look like a nice guy. I can tell from that photo of you wearing a black shirt with the other guys wearing black shirts.
I only eat candy and red meat.
Explore.
You’re full of infinite potential and possibilities. I feel like you should hear that from a woman who’s very attractive, probably more attractive than you think you can handle.
What’s the last song that made you cry? Like really cry?
I love that photo of you reading The Pale King as if you didn’t know someone was taking a photo of you. Maybe you can suggest David Foster Wallace to me sometime?
Wanderlust.
There’s a stain on your shirt. It looks like you don’t keep up with your hair. But I can see you really care past all that.
I’m wearing this knit hat even if it is summer. I’m wearing it because I made it myself. I make a lot of things myself. I also reclaim things I find on the street.
Isn’t there something beautiful about walking in the rain?
I’m so sick of small talk. Let’s just meet— now. Let’s meet now. It’s almost sunrise. I’ve stayed up debating sending you a message and it’s already sunrise. Meet me by the closest body of water. If it’s really meant to be we’ll see each other. I’ll be the girl in the cloud printed pajamas and bright yellow raincoat.
