Your Teenager Self’s Outfits Are Back in Style, So Start Kicking Yourself for Marie Kondo-ing Your Closet
Did you see the latest in this season’s fall trends? I’m sure you have. Jackets, pants, shoes, and socks are hot when it’s so cool, and you need to snap them up from your latest online or offline retailer STAT. You don’t want to be the noob not wearing a jacket, pants, shoes, and socks when everyone is wearing such apparel. More importantly, all of those jackets, pants, shoes, and socks you wore as a teenager or even the hand me downs you inherited from that older cousin, sister, or mom’s friend’s children back in the early to mid-90’s have officially returned to style. Yeah, we know what you’re thinking: don’t you just hate yourself for donating everything to Goodwill that Saturday back in 2003 when you cleaned out your closet? Curse you for going minimalist.
That velvet slip dress Gigi Hadid wore to that afterparty during New York Fashion Week looked exactly like the green velvet one your mom bought you from Macy’s for Thanksgiving at your grandparents when you were 15.
Those John-Lennon-oval sunglasses Selena Gomez is wearing everywhere in New York seem awfully like the ripped off flat lens Ray Bans you bought at the flea market with your week’s worth of allowance. They even have the same yellow lenses.
Rihanna’s Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirt with the overly large logo is the spitting image of the one you brought to sleep away camp the summer you had your first kiss. She even pulls the sleeves over her wrists like you used to. Though she has much more confidence than your then teenage self or present day self ever had or will have.
It’s taken you at least 14 years, but you’ve finally cleaned out your closet of all those super dated Calvin Klein logo printed tees and Looney Toon-patched denim and now this is happening? What’s next, are those potato-looking Birkenstock slides going to be coming back? Will those moving butterfly clips be all the rage?
In the back of your mind, you entertain the idea that Rihanna could have gone to your Goodwill in Boise and bought your exact sweatshirt. It’s possible. She does nationwide tours and Boise is within the nation. Maybe she was bored in Boise. Maybe Bad Girl Riri just ended up shopping after eating baked potatoes and taking selfies with a cheeky hashtag I-da-ho attached.
At least your sweatshirt found a good home. Rihanna probably even separates her laundry properly, according to the wash and care directions.
You didn’t deserve that sweatshirt anyway. You wore it at camp, tied it around your waist, sat on logs and dirt, and even painted a whole mural on the back of the commissary in it. There were stains on it from the magenta paint you chose. Besides, look at how easily you tossed it after high school.
Actually— pffft. Who needs the latest in fall fashion?
All of this shows how you’re more ahead of the curb than all of those Gigi, Selena, and— actually not Rihanna. You’re never ahead of Rihanna. No one is. But you were ahead of those others. I mean, you were already wearing that shit when you were thirteen.
This will save you future closet cleaning actually. So what if you’re in a New York apartment and need the space for…well to live. Just you wait. Those Ashton Kutcher trucker hats and ironic baby tees will be coming back in style. And you’ll be ready.
