How to Fail in a Reality TV Audition

How I managed to get an audition for ‘Blind Date’ … and then blow it.

We’re not talking ‘recent’ here.

This was way, way back in 1990. I think it’s taken me this long to come to terms with it. I’m genuinely embarrassed about it and write this self deprecating story as an attempt at a sort of penance and cathartic cleansing.

In those days, a notice was posted in a local newspaper inviting people to apply to TV programs, either by turning up at a specific location where there was an initial cull, or by writing in with your shamelessly self promoting CV.

For me, it took place in Birmingham, the UK’s second largest city. I was at Aston University when the circus came to town. And I wanted in.

It didn’t matter that I wasn’t a particularly big fan of the show, and it also appeared not to matter (to me) that I technically wasn't single at the time — I’d just make sure that didn’t come up in conversation. It was TV. I was 21. I fancied myself as a bit of charmer, there was no chance I wasn’t going to be picked. This was going to be such a laugh.

Oh, the folly of youth.

I’d received my invite and the day came. I went with my friend Alison to the chosen location, a posh hotel in the town centre, although I forget which now.

Man, I was buzzing. It was one of those days where it had all come together. I felt great, had actually made an…