Is Your Feminine Energy Keeping You in Relationships with Narcissists?
One of the most beautiful aspects of the human condition is duality. We are light and shadow, still and mobile, feminine and masculine. No matter the position, the situation, the event, or point of attraction there is always at least one other option. There is another side or aspect we can imbue.
Energy is not gender-specific. Both men and women have feminine energy. Both men and women have masculine energy. In dysfunctional relationships, there is typically a “dance” between, in this case, the narcissist and the empath. In terms of energy, we can attribute narcissism to the masculine and empathic traits to the feminine. Reminder: these are NOT gender-specific. Masculine energy is about action, power, dominance, intellect, and is typically fast-paced. Feminine energy is receptive, balanced, calm, selfless, generous, fruitful, resourceful.
As it relates to our detachment and healing after narcissistic relationships, bringing ourselves into balance is paramount. We need to embody all of the above energies for a healthy, fulfilling life. Of course, we will ebb and flow. Much of the content regarding narcissistic relationships involves what to do after you’ve left that partnership. Or once you’ve gone no contact with that sibling, parent, or longtime friend. But there are tactics that can be done safely while still in contact or relationship with a disordered person. Much of these tactics have to do with your personal energy and how to manage it.
I’d like to suggest that the very thing attracting narcissists to you is your feminine energy. As I stated before, the divine goal is to balance both energies in our day-to-day life. But if you are consistently in excess feminine energies, a narcissist can identify that very quickly. What exactly are they sniffing out? Your relatively slow pace. You may be slow to speak, slow to make decisions, the slowest in the group, or just literally slow-moving. Remember, the energy of a narcissist is masculine. So it can be swift and dominant.
It is possible to embody your divine masculine energy without totally neglecting the feminine. As it pertains to separating from a manipulative, disordered character, the following tactics may loosen the grip of their energy over you.
1. Make Haste
One reason a narcissist sees you as an ideal partner is because of your tendency to think of the group and not just yourself. You have a “we” mentality and not an “I” mentality. The goal is to have a spirit of generosity, but your support beams should be made up of self-care and self-love.
Put more action into your personal health and day-to-day activities, and do so at a fast pace. Not Tasmanian devil fast, but as if you have so much to do with so little time. As a result, you are actually matching the energy of the manipulator, but not in a manipulative way. You are just redirecting your energy inward. Think of it as the gray rock technique but with a 5-hour energy drink.
2. Be Intentionally Busy with Yourself
Create a list of intentional actions and pair them with nourishing thoughts and cored desired feelings. Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map lays this process out beautifully.
Getting busy with yourself does not mean neglecting responsibilities or becoming passive-aggressive. It is creating and stepping into a life vision through an active process. When you can live with a heart-centered approach for day-to-day living, you are using both feminine and masculine energy.
As a result, this becomes unattractive to a narcissist because they cannot get the supply they are used to extracting. By making yourself a priority, you create a barrier against manipulative tactics.
3. Do Things No One Would Expect of You
Predictability gives a narcissist an advantage when it comes to manipulating you and controlling you. If you are a creature of habit, they know when to strike. They know all your strings and buttons and when to pull them and push them.
Maybe you set your plans and tasks lists ahead of time, but you announce it last minute. Do things out of your typical order. Change your mind about things. This sudden action is unexpected and holds masculine energy. Making sudden, unforeseen changes is not a means to manipulate them, but to weaken their destabilizing behavior towards you.
By leaning into your masculine energy, you match that of the narcissist. But, this is not disordered behavior. It is soft aggression. Mindful action toward using your energy to strengthen yourself. A strong self is kryptonite to a narcissist.
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