You Were Love-Bombed, but They’re Not a Narcissist
It’s fair to say that when I began my healing from narcissistic programming, I became hypersensitive to the behaviors of everyone, especially those close to me. Something paradoxically happens when your consciousness is cracked wide open. When revelations kick the doors of your blockages wide open. The good side — you can finally move on, and work towards living a fulfilling life. The challenging side — you read into everything. You notice things that you did not before, and this can send you into a self-imposed prison of ruminating thoughts. Just like cognitive dissonance causes us to short circuit, curiosity can do the same.
I think becoming very knowledgeable about mistreatment — or having been mistreated, neglected, abandoned, etc.— puts you in a position where you always need the answers. What did he/she mean by that? Why did they ghost me? Did I scare them off? But he said “XYZ” and he did “this, that, and the other.” There are all these things, all these components, pieces. It seems as though a trauma response is to try and put shreds together and make something acceptable. What is missed is that some things are meant to stay apart. Our dealings with people are not a puzzle, instead separate cards that are meant to work independently of each other.
When we feel like we’ve been love-bombed, we need to honor that feeling. Don’t turn away and deny the shift. However, acknowledge that this may not be a part of a larger malignant cycle of mistreatment. It could be that things simply changed, things got in the way, the timing was off. Someone love-bombing you then taking a hard left is absolutely immature and lacks emotional evolution. We can agree on that. But that does not mean they are disordered.
When two people are misaligned spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or physically big disappointments will happen. The pace will be off; emotions will be merged with physical attraction. A large pot of confusion stew is brewed and sometimes left simmering for both parties to taste. The ingredients mirror that of manipulation, gaslighting, and blameshifting. But it isn’t. It just tastes like it.
So, we can be extremely disappointed or even hurt by people who are healthy, just unbalanced. As survivors of mistreatment and neglect, it can be hard to distinguish.
I think the trick to getting better at discerning misalignment from manipulation is turning to your sense of self. How would you prefer to get to know someone? Can you express that verbally with a sense of ease? Think about your desired outcome. If you’re open to flings and shallow interactions, be honest with yourself and accept that you may be taken for a ride. But if you’re looking for a relationship that is meaningful and prosperous, you will need to have the strength to hold back and control the desires of the ego.
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