Fear: What to do About It
In the bridge between our terrors exists a place of clarity.
Before the pandemic lockdown I had a lot of fears. I still do, but they’ve changed shape; they’re more grounded in reality.
Midway through 2020, my partner, Cameron, suffered a major loss in his family and he asked if I would travel to Florida to attend the funeral with him. I had left the horse farm that we called home in the mountains three times since the world came to a halt in March.
The act of driving to the airport was an exercise in all the work I had done so far to mitigate a lifetime of major anxiety disorder, compounded by Covid-19.
Anxiety was an old friend with a pronged charge — out of control, I was debilitated. Harnessing its energy, I created art from desperation: a thriving horse stable filled with creatures who also called on fight, flight, freeze, fawn for survival, and a coaching practice grounded in knowing exactly where my clients came from.
On the way to Florida I traveled in nervous system code red, doubling my masks, standing quietly in airport security while my bags, filled with multiple hand sanitizers, were analyzed. I quickly adapted my elbow to all manner of tasks that previously required the use of my fingers.
