Disneyworld Unveils New District of ‘Shondaland’
EXCLUSIVE SNEAK PEAK
Disney today unveiled plans for a brand new section of their iconic park, one-upping the recent addition of Star Wars Land with the shock announcement of ‘Shondaland.’ Sources report that Disney hammered together a licensing deal for the park at the 11th hour before its namesake, writer-producer heavyweight Shonda Rhimes, departed Disney’s ABC network for Netflix.
The Salmon Pages has been given an exclusive sneak peak at the proposed attractions, which are set to include:
- ‘Olivia Pope’s Wild Ride’
- ‘McSteamyboat Cruise’
- ‘The Scandalcoaster’
- ‘Grey’s Anatterhorn’
Parkgoers will reportedly enter a melodramatic wonderland, where giant costume characters of Viola Davis, Sandra Oh, and Patrick Dempsey roam the grounds, accompanied by hourly performances of ‘Shonda Mimes’. Notably, the park itself will forgo fences in favor of a line of ‘Private Cactus’.
Guests can end their magical, fast-paced day with food and refreshments set at the food court (dubbed ‘The Eating 5’), which includes artisanal eateries:
- ‘How to Get Away with Burgers’
- The BBQ Rib restaurant ‘Glaze Anatomy’
- ‘Betsybeers’, a full service bar.
Notable rejected candidates were McDonalds’ attempt to rebrand as ‘McDreamys’, and TGI Thursdays.
Other attractions are rumored to include a Haunted Mansion containing dead pilots screened only for ABC executives who never gave them the green light, and an ‘It’s a Small World’-style boat ride that blasts Snow Patrol’s greatest hits over TV screens playing every death scene from Grey’s Anatomy.
When approached for comment, Shonda Rhimes offered, “I want people to walk out of Shondaland feeling like they’ve just watched one of my shows: shocked, intrigued, slightly aroused, and completely emotionally broken.”
Unbelievably, Disney has also installed a world-first self-contained weather generator, so guests will not experience the usual Summer, Winter, Fall, and Spring, but instead they will be exposed to over 14 seasons of varying quality.
At the time of reporting, three more spin-off parks designed by Ms. Rhimes have already received a green light from Disney.