Thanks for Your Notes but You Clearly Didn’t Get My Screenplay
Hey I just got around to reading your notes on my script. Thanks for reading but you clearly didn’t get what I was going for because a bunch of your notes don’t really make sense?
For starters, I already know that my protagonist doesn’t have a clear drive. You’ve clearly missed the point if you’re saying that like it’s a bad thing. John’s lack of goal is supposed to represent the intangibility and directionlessness of human aspiration. He is indifferent to the events around him in the same way that the universe is indifferent to all of us. I think it’s pretty obvious.
I feel like you only think it’s too long because you didn’t appreciate the nuanced differences between the eleven fight sequences. If you go back and read it again you’ll see there’s a very clear progression, and yes John’s seven page monologue is absolutely essential to explain his inner turmoil before the terrorists kill his love interest.
And yes I am fully aware that I introduce all my female characters just with a description of their bodies and that none of them have any lines. It’s not sexist, it’s a post-sexism comment on the male gaze. I think I’d know a bit more about the male gaze than you sweetheart, since I am a man. And besides, it would be unrealistic for any of the women to talk, since it’s set in a future dystopia where humans have evolved past the need for verbal language and instead communicate telepathically. The male characters only talk out loud because they’re saying things that are important.
Speaking of which, I actually do think it’s pretty natural for John to talk to himself in the mirror every morning and verbally reflect on how his childhood traumas continue to haunt him. People say mantras to themselves all the time and I don’t see how this is any different.
Also re: your next note, I don’t see the problem? “He closes his eyes and covers his face with his hands, reflecting on the magnitude of the world’s foibles” is absolutely filmable. Under my expert direction, it will all come through in Keanu Reeves’ performance.
Anyway to your other point, no, I won’t read the TAXI DRIVER script because that would corrupt the purity of vision I’m trying to maintain. My screenplay is completely fresh and unique, which is exactly why it fits best into an eight-act structure. And the so-called formatting “errors” you’ve circled are a reflection of my groundbreaking endeavor — it just goes to show what derivative work you must be used to if they’re all “formatted correctly” and “written with professional screenwriting software” and “not in Impact Extra Bold font the whole way through”.
Oh and by the way, the reveal that John was actually a secret agent the whole time is supposed to come completely out of the blue. It’s called a twist.
So anyway, I guess thanks for your notes but agree to disagree. Can you just please send it to your agent as is?