Losing My Dad to Coronavirus

Never again will I see your face in the crowd, waiting for me at the airport.

Never again will I get a call from you just to check in how I am doing and show fatherly concern.

Never again will you wish me a happy birthday as your eldest child.

Never again will we spend Summer together, take hikes in the mountains, trips to Disneyworld Paris, or to eat fondue and mousse au chocolat.

Never again will I hear your laugh or even hear your voice, calling me to you.

Never again, from now until the day I die will I call anyone “Papa”.

You won’t see any of your grandkids grow up or graduate or get married. You will not see them turn into whoever they will still become professionally or know their adult personalities.

I look for you around every corner.

I expect that at any moment you might appear, as in you being gone was all just a bad dream.

You were one of the last people who knew and loved me my entire life. And now you are gone.

I’m in our family home now and there are memories of you everywhere, all good, all warm and lovely.

I smile when I think of you and wonder what your reaction would be to your own death.