Are you having ‘gourmet sex’ or ‘snack sex’?

What’s on the menu tonight?

From (near-impossible) calorie-burning positions to dabbling in a ménage à trois, this year has been defined by several surprising bedroom trends.

But regardless of how often you’re having (or not having) sex, have you ever considered whether you savour or scoff down your sexual experiences?

Sex coach Eleanor Hadley shares with us everything you need to know about ‘gourmet sex’ and ‘snack sex’ — including which one you should be striving towards.

What is gourmet and snack sex?

Aptly using nutritional guidance to explain the concept, Hadley says the best way to understand snack sex and gourmet sex is by looking at the physical and emotional nourishment each type of interaction provides.

“We can look at snack sex as being equivalent to grabbing some fries from the drive-thru. Everyone loves fries — they’re quick, easy and delicious, but not exactly nourishing and you certainly can’t exist on a diet of only fries,” she says.

“Then we have Gourmet Sex, which is the equivalent of being sat down at a luxe, candlelit restaurant, complete with white tablecloths, a full degustation and wine pairing,” adds the sex coach. “It’s an experience that you savour — you don’t rush to the finish line, but instead enjoy the journey. But it’s unlikely that you have the time or budget to be indulging in a Michelin-star meal three times a day, every day.”

What are the pros and cons of ‘snack sex’?

When it comes to snack sex, Hadley says the biggest pro is definitely efficiency, “It’s typically quick, easy to enjoy and pretty damn delicious,” she explains. “Sometimes, when life is busy or we’re short on time, a little sexual snack is just what we need to fill up our cup — so to speak.”

Of course, if someone only ever sticks to snack sexual experiences, pleasure-inducing activities as a whole will inevitably begin to feel a bit stale, “Snack sex isn’t quite as nourishing as a gourmet sex session, where connection, intimacy and pleasure are prioritised,” she says.

Is snack sex becoming the norm for people outside of long-term relationships?

Thanks to dating apps and the current culture of fast-paced hookups, it’s no surprise snack sex is far easier to find these days.

“There’s a certain level of connection and intimacy that’s necessary for the long, slow nature that comes with gourmet sex, and in casual situationships, this is hard to come by,” Hadley says. “Many people fear the vulnerability needed to indulge in a sexual feast and also lack the communication skills that inevitably lead to gourmet sex.”

The sex coach explains an increasing number of people perceive sex as transactional these days, rather than an experience that should be shared and savoured with another.

“For singles looking for love, it can be a hard balance to keep your standards high while searching for the one and also the very real experience of being a bit of a hornbag who craves some sexual satisfaction,” she says.

How to have more gourmet sex

If a deeper, more intimate connection is what you’d like to champion in the bedroom, Hadley has some foolproof tips for increasing gourmet sex with a partner.

“Prioritise intentional date nights!” She says first and foremost, adding that there are a few techniques and practices you can incorporate into your day-to-day interaction to help set the right mood.

“To begin with, explore the art of eye gazing, indulge in a long, sensual make-out session — with no pressure for it to lead anywhere (expectation is a huge libido killer!) –and chat about your sexual desires using a Yes/No/Maybe list,” Hadley says.

In addition, she encourages people to try their hand at pleasure mapping, “Take turns exploring one another’s body through different types of touch, pressure, speed, pace and with different materials such as body oil, feathers, and more while communicating what feels good and what doesn’t.”

So, is snack sex or gourmet sex better for you?

As much as we love the buzzy terms sexual experiences and pleasure exist on a spectrum, “There’s a difference between the sex that simply fulfils a desire for immediate pleasure and sex that leaves you feeling deeply satiated, But it’s important we don’t mix up spectrum with hierarchy,” Hadley explains.

“All consensual and respectful sex is good.”

Instead, Hadley is an advocate for pursuing a balanced sexual diet, something she is excited to delve deeper into as a speaker at the upcoming Sex, Self & Stuff event in July.

“It’s not sustainable to expect to have a full-on degustation on the daily, nor is it ideal to subsist on purely snacks alone,” she says. “Most of the time, you’re probably going to be having sex that is in between the snack and the gourmet style — but allowing space and time to enjoy all ends of the spectrum is the key to having a really satisfying sex life.”

As the sex coach says, “There’s no need to put unnecessary pressure on your sex life to be gourmet 100 per cent of the time, but also don’t get complacent and settle for snacks only.”