How To Deal With A Guy With Mommy Issues: 6 Tips For Women
Since we’re talking about mommy issues in men, if they had a supportive or encouraging home environment growing up, especially with their mother, they’re more likely to have a good relationship and be able to establish meaningful relationships as an adult. If not, they are compelled to develop emotional or physical coping skills in order to survive.
Relationships between two people are tough enough without adding in a silent, or not-so-silent, third party. Is his mom too much a part of your relationship, or do his mommy issues sabotage all his adult relationships?
These are questions you might ask yourself when you find yourself dating what is commonly called a mama’s boy.
For the sake of full disclosure, I am the mother of a son. There’s nothing wrong with a parent and child being close.
In fact, it can be a great sign when a man is close to his mother. But how close is too close, and when does a relationship with his mom turn into mommy issues?
What are Mommy Issues in men?
There are a lot of factors that can contribute to mommy issues in men. It could be something as simple as feeling like your mom didn’t give you enough attention when you were growing up.
Maybe she was always working or preoccupied with other things and you felt neglected.
Mommy issues in men are majorly developed because of overly critical mothers. On the complete opposite end, such issues can also be due to some mothers being too lenient with their sons who grow up while never learning to discipline themselves.
It could also be that your parents had a dysfunctional relationship and you witnessed a lot of fighting and turmoil while growing up.
Mommy issues in men are a result of when someone’s father is abusive or absent altogether. Whatever the case may be, these early experiences can shape how they view relationships and how they relate to women later on in life.
If you or let's say your partner has “mommy issues”, it doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to a life of misery or that you’ll never find happiness. But it does mean that you might need to do some extra work on yourself (or your partner) in order to have healthy, fulfilling relationships with women.
What causes these issues?
There are a variety of potential causes of mommy issues in men. One possibility is that the man was raised by a single mother and didn’t have a positive male role model in his life. This can lead to feelings of abandonment and resentment towards women.
Another possibility is that the man’s mother was overbearing or critical, leading him to feel suffocated or inadequate. Alternatively, the man’s mother may have been absent during his childhood, leading him to feel insecure and longing for maternal affection.
Whatever the cause, mommy issues can have a profound impact on a man’s ability to form healthy relationships with women. He may be afraid of intimacy or unable to trust women. He may also be attracted to older women who he feels can mother him.
If you suspect your partner has mommy issues, it’s important to be understanding and patient. Seek professional help if the problem is impacting your relationship in a negative way.
How To Deal with His Mommy Issues
While it’s easy to criticize men with mommy issues, it’s important to be compassionate. Mommy issues form from unhealthy relationships with a maternal figure.
These issues don’t happen because he’s a selfish, inconsiderate jerk. These issues occur because he had a parent who didn’t model effective communication, healthy boundaries, or independence.
1. Understand him
If you’re dating a guy who has a mommy issue and you insist on staying with him, it means you need to come to terms with the whole situation. You’ve got to accept the fact that he’s going to be insecure sometimes until he seeks psychological help, there’s not much you can do about that. So, you’ve got to understand him; understand that being neglected by a mother leads to tough adult life.
Love and trust are issues he may struggle the most with, so you have to be there for him. If he questions your love for him from time to time, try not to get angry or upset. Calmly assure him that you love him and you’ll be there for him no matter what. Bear in mind that this takes a lot of patience.
2. Know you can’t do it alone
If you clearly see the mommy issues but he either doesn’t see it or doesn’t accept it, know that you can’t save the relationship by yourself.
You have to decide if you’re willing to continue as things are or if you need to make a change to your life involving this relationship.
If you’re not okay with playing second fiddle to his mother or dealing with the issues she left behind, you might choose to end the relationship if he’s not willing to work on the problems.
You can love him deeply and still accept that one person can’t make a healthy relationship.
3. Let him know he can trust you
Mothers play a vital role in a child’s all-around development. This doesn’t mean that the other parent is insignificant, it’s just that a mother’s role is so important that neglecting these roles will often affect the child in adulthood.
Consequently, you may need to do a little extra work assuring him that he can trust you. This does not only involve telling him but also showing him that you’re trustworthy. Keep in mind that this isn’t something he gives easily and he may even secretly test you from time to time.
If you’re being honest with yourself, the constant skepticism may annoy you, but there’s not much you can do about it. The best you can do is advise him to go for therapy. Describe to him how his behavior affects you, that ought to work.
If he experienced neglect or betrayal from his mom, he may purposely refuse to believe anyone, especially women. This means it may take a long while to gain his trust, it will require constant reassurance, patience, and effort. So get ready for friction, confrontations, and even a passive-aggressive attitude on his part.
4. Encourage him to get his own space
Children who have a complicated relationship with their mom, grow up to have a strange attachment to her. That’s why it’s better for them to stay as far away from their mother as possible. If your boyfriend is a mama’s boy, living with his mother would only encourage more dependence. That is something you do not want because he will definitely put his relationship with his mother before you.
Putting their mother-son relationship before yours means he will side with her on every subject, make you the third wheel, or even discuss details of your relationship with her. It’s worse if you live together, having his mom around will make you very uncomfortable and may even take a toll on your sex life.
Although some issues may still arise whether he lives with his mom or not, living apart will go a long way to help. So, try talking him into getting his own place away from his mom.
5. Set boundaries
As soon as you notice certain behavioral patterns in your partner, you need to set clear boundaries. For example, if your partner is used to being pampered by his mom, he may be under the impression that the world owes him things.
He may expect you to clean up after him, do his laundry, and excuse his childish behavior. It’s very necessary for you to let him know that you are not his mother and you will not play that role. Define your role and the direction you’d prefer the relationship to move in, then do your best to stick to it so he doesn’t take you for granted.
Initially, he may attempt to manipulate you or use your emotions to trick you into doing his bidding, but you need to put your foot down. Don’t let his accusations get to you, waiting on him does not mean that you love him. Love involves judicious giving and taking, etc. When he’s with his dear mother he can act like a toddler but when he’s with you, he’s expected to respect your boundaries.
5. Do not confront her
No matter how bad things are between your spouse and his mom, it’s not your responsibility to confront her about it. Try and stay out of their issues as much as you can; not out of fear but just to keep the peace. This does not mean that you shouldn’t support your spouse, just support him without getting actively involved.
This also applies to the disagreements you have with her, find a way to stand your ground without turning it into a major argument. If you can’t stand her, perhaps try to avoid her more. Also, give him a chance to stand up for you, so sometimes try to stand down.
6. Assess your expectations
There’s another consideration that needs to be mentioned. Does he have mommy issues, or do you have issues with his mother? There’s a difference.
If you don’t like her, that doesn’t mean he has mommy issues. If you expect him to stop spending time with family to spend even more time with you, he’s not the problem.
Evaluate if you have healthy and realistic expectations for family and romantic relationships before accusing him of having a problem. It could be you. Are you willing to look closely to see the truth?
We all have issues that could benefit from therapy. Some of us are self-aware and working on our problems, some are self-aware and doing nothing to change, and still, others aren’t self-aware at all.
No matter where you are, you’re likely to run into a person or two who had a difficult relationship with their mother.
You don’t have to like it, but when you’re tempted to throw out those “mama’s boy” barbs, remember that it’s okay for a man to be close to his mother, but mommy issues don’t stem from genuine closeness.
Be kind. The issues you see likely had a pain you don’t fully understand.
Can a mama’s boy ever change?
Yes, a mama’s boy can change once he recognizes that he has a problem and takes action to solve them. He needs to practice self-awareness to prevent himself from repeating these attitudes and habits in his relationships. To help him become a successful man he needs therapy, that way his progress can be supervised.
