Mommy Issues Or Daddy Issues?

So what is the difference between a woman with mommy issues instead of daddy issues?

Most guys know about girls with “daddy issues.” They either didn’t get enough attention, or didn’t get enough boundaries, so they act out. The classic archetype is a bonafide, in-your-face tatted up girl. Another common version is the needy “good girl” who is constantly anxious and trying to get male attention. These girls are clingy, although the best ones will learn how to “game” guys so that nobody will want to leave them.

Girls with “Daddy Issues” are enjoyed by some guys because while they can press up against boundaries, and be “trouble,” they are often also exciting. Since they are so desperate for attention, they are phenomenal at pleasing. Sex in particular is usually fantastic with them. Because the best way to make a man focus on you is to be his dream girl.

But what about girls with Mommy Issues?

Well if Daddy Issues make a woman insecure about her romantic appeal, Mommy Issues make a woman insecure about whether or not she is lovable at all.

Both of these women play games, and will try ruses to get a guy’s attention. But the girl with Daddy Issues knows how men tick, and is usually successful at pleasing them. She may be unstable or performative, but she is confident in her femininity.

In contrast, the girl with Mommy Issues generally doesn’t have “game,” because she has become alienated from her own femininity. She isn’t simply insecure, she is fundamentally unconfident as a woman. Which tends to make her block out deeper emotional connection, because she doesn’t feel like she deserves to be loved.

This doesn’t mean these women won’t be successful. If they had a good relationship with their father, they are often able to take care of themselves. Unlike Daddy’s Girls, who often have trust issues and are addicted to attention, these women can come across quite competent and reliable.

The problem is that once you get close to them, you notice a lack of self-love. As a result, they have a hard time letting go or surrendering. Depending on the woman, she might put up shield and react with anger (“I’m strong and capable, I don’t need to get close”) or might simply collapse into depression (“I’m worthless, why would anybody love me?”).

Mommy issues are thus in some ways worse than Daddy issues, because while the lack of a positive masculinity might make a girl a “whore” who doesn’t have any self-restraint or respect for boundaries, the lack of positive femininity makes a woman dead inside.

Indeed, I would argue that women who “become more masculine” often do this as a compensatory response to Mommy Issues, not Daddy Issues. Since they did not get the unconditional love a mother offers, they rejected themselves and their femininity; masculinity offers them some ability to gain a sense of self. The women who do not do this tend to have “dead energy” and are impossible to romantically or sexually open up.

Which brings up the interesting question that the real problem in society today might not be simply or even mostly a lack of fathers, but the preponderance of shitty, disconnected mothers. Weak fathers may have failed the feminist shit test, but it was self-absorbed, unhappy mothers who created a generation of women that had a problem with acting like females.

Food for thought.

Remember that the point here isn’t to reject a woman out of hand because she has one of these issues. Nobody gets through life unscathed; we all have wounds. Something tells me, dear reader, that your shit probably stinks too.

The only women I would say more unequivocally to avoid are ones that have both Mommy and Daddy Issues to an extreme degree.

This level of trauma in these girls is severe, because they are both attention whores and reject deeper connection because they don’t feel like they deserve it.

It’s my conjecture that most women who fall into this category are “Cluster B” girls, with serious personality disorders like BPD as well as bad cases of disorganized attachment.

In fact, to take this through the “attachment theory” lens, it’s likely there is some correlation between anxious attachment and daddy issues, and avoidant attachment and mommy issues.

But I digress.

The most important thing here is to be able to discern what kind of woman you are dealing with.

Not simply whether she has Mommy or Daddy issues (though this is important).

But whether or not she is a good person, and whether or not she wants to heal.

A woman who has issues, but is kind and self-aware might be challenging at moments. But she is at her core a good woman, and in the long term, she could be an excellent match.

Meanwhile, another woman might have less overt problems but is self-absorbed and manipulative. These types of women destroy men; they can wreck their lives completely.