The Glorification of Abusive Relationships In The Media
If the media continues to romanticize the actions and behaviors in toxic relationships, people could get seriously hurt by disregarding the discernable signs that could save them from poisonous individuals.
With romance occupying an entire genre in books, movies, and television shows, toxic portrayals of couples have become increasingly visible. From blurring the lines on consent to mistaking jealous behavior with “passion,” far too many shows, movies, and books have depicted romantic relationships in the wrong light.
Within the past few years, New York Times bestselling author Colleen Hoover’s novels have gained massive readership after going viral on social media. It Ends With Us, the most popular of her books, has received harsh criticism from readers for romanticizing abuse. Ironically, I find that this is one of the few Hoover books that doesn’t glorify abuse, but instead portrays abusive relationships as harmful situations that victims should escape. However, the same cannot be said about Hoover’s other novels.
Ugly Love, another Hoover bestseller, follows the toxic, destructive romance between main characters Tate and Miles. Throughout the book, Miles repeatedly manipulates Tate, who, as a result, becomes void of happiness and self-confidence. However, Miles’ horrible actions are excused because of his past trauma. The difference between Ugly Love and It Ends With Us is that Tate does not even realize she was abused. In fact, she and Miles end up getting married and having a child together.
Films have also played a part, in romanticizing toxicity and abuse in relationships. The Notebook for example is one of the most praised romance movies of all time, and yet it shows signs of manipulation and pressure on the main characters’ romantic relationship.
At the beginning of the film, Noah asks Allie out on a date by climbing into a Ferris wheel mid-ride and jumping into her seat. When she repeatedly declines, he dangles from the bar of the Ferris wheel until she agrees to go out with him.
This scene is the epitome of toxic behavior, yet for years some have accepted this as one of the most romantic gestures of all time. Even after consistent rejection as to why Allie did not want to date him, he put his life at risk until she said yes.
This initial scene in the movie represents a common behavior a toxic person can have by manipulating a situation, even though it is not what the partner wants.
The Notebook is a romance movie where star-crossed lovers are destined to be together, but it’s irresponsible for the media to allow this film to represent the perfect couple and skew the idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.
A study by the Heriot-Watt University’s Family and Personal Relationships Laboratory in Edinburgh found that couples in their center commonly have misconceptions about romantic relationships because of romance films.
The award-winning and Grammy-nominated film Twilight also depicts various red flags of toxic behavior between Bella and Edward’s relationship.
In the first film of the Twilight saga, Bella wakes up to find Edward in her room and asks how he got in. He tells her that he came in through the window, something he’s been doing for the past couple of months. He tells her, “I like watching you sleep. It’s kind of fascinating to me.” He then tells her to stay still as he leans in to kiss her.
This scene in the film depicts stalking, dishonesty, and control. Although this scene is deemed as romantic, it is terrifying, uncomfortable, and unhealthy behavior when reflected in an off-screen relationship.
This is alarming in their relationship not only because it is not normal, but he is illegally breaking and entering onto her property. His actions displayed signs of manipulation, power, and control over her.
Both The Notebook and Twilight are award-winning romance films and are two of the most recognizable romance movies, but they both portray unhealthy relationships and are not accountable for the characters’ behavior enough.
These films portray toxic relationships as healthy and contort a viewer’s perspective of what romance should look like in their own lives
The glorification of abuse is even present in the music we listen to. Singer Lana Del Rey, describes an abusive relationship as complex and addictive in the song Ultraviolence. “He hit me and it felt like a kiss,” she sings.
Del Rey has received criticism for her music’s abusive themes, especially since many of her listeners are young people, who are arguably more impressionable. Del Rey has pushed back against this criticism, arguing that artists should be able to say “whatever the hell they want” in their music.
This raises a question that applies to books, movies, and music alike: Is it up to creators to protect their audiences from potentially harmful themes? Artists have the freedom to share their raw, honest experiences, but if they describe said experiences in a dramatized way, are they romanticizing them?
“Where is the line between self-expression and glorification?”
Of course, the answers to these questions are not black and white.
It is true that all people have the right to share their experiences and express themselves however they see fit, and no individual’s voice should be censored. However, when harmful thoughts and experiences are glorified, it is important to raise questions, and have conversations about them.
It might be impossible to avoid abusive and toxic relationships in various forms of media, but when it is present, it should be portrayed in a negative light.
The media should be diligent about what they are portraying and be aware of the impact it has on generations. Passing toxic relationships as healthy ones can lead to readers, listeners, or viewers deeming abuse and toxic behavior as acceptable in relationships, with the high possibility of them being hurt emotionally, mentally or physically.
Toxic behavior can extend from constant judgment, hostility, lack of trust and manipulation. Recognizing noxious behavior in the media can lead to a better understanding of those behaviors in off-screen relationships before our perception becomes distorted about true love.
The Take-Away
The way the media addresses toxic behaviors is far from perfect and can give us the wrong idea of what a healthy relationship looks like. It’s up to us, to keep in mind that if a relationship feels like it’s destroying us, it isn’t love. True love can’t flourish in a toxic environment.
If you or a loved one find yourself in an abusive relationship, don’t be afraid to reach out to a close friend ,family member or contact a helpline.
