What A Guy Means When He Says “Let’s Just See Where This Goes”

He’s not all in, but he’s not all out, either. So which one is he actually? Having a guy say, “Let’s just see where this goes,” might seem like a low-pressure, casual way to start a romance, but is that his intention when he says it?

You’ve got a really good feeling about the guy you’ve been seeing, and you definitely think he’s boyfriend material — you’re attracted to him mentally, emotionally, and physically, and you two seem to be a perfect fit. And if it were all up to you, there’s no doubt that you two would be an item…like, yesterday.

After waiting for him to move things forward, you finally decide it’s time to bring up the “What are we?” talk with him yourself. You walk into the conversation with an idea of how the conversation might go — all of your assumptions being positive, of course. You wonder if he’ll ask you to be his girlfriend right then and there, or if he’ll tell you he’s wanted to ask you the exact same question. Whatever the intricacies of the talk might be, you feel confident that you’ll wrap up the conversation having officially begun your relationship, blissful and falling in love.

And then, a plot twist that never crossed your mind comes out of left field. He’s not nearly as enthusiastic about the thought of being an item as you had assumed he’d be. Rather than jumping at the chance to be called your boyfriend and agreeing that it’s time to become exclusive, he stalls, hemming and hawing, before saying something along the lines of, “Let’s just see where this goes.”

You’re thrown for a loop, unsure of how to take his comment. What does it even mean? Should you assume the best and tell yourself that he’s just shy or a slow mover? And that he’s at least close to being on the same page as you are? Was it just an innocuous comment that you shouldn’t overthink too much? Should the label on your relationship not matter so much? Or are you meant to read something deeper into his comment?

What Women Assume “Let’s Just See Where It Goes” Means

More often than not, especially if you truly like him, you’ll give him the benefit of the doubt after hearing him express that he’d rather just “See how things go” instead of putting a decisive label on it. After all, you don’t want to put pressure on things and end up losing him. Patience is a virtue, you tell yourself.

So how do you choose to interpret a phrase like “Let’s just see where things go”? Well, you tell yourself that while he might want to take things slow, he’s definitely still interested. He still wants to take you on fun dates and let things build organically and get to know you — he just doesn’t want to rush or force things. Totally understandable, right?

You think through the reasons that he might be pumping the brakes. Maybe he got out of a serious relationship not too long ago, or maybe he’s been burned before by jumping into a new relationship too quickly. Certainly, you think to yourself, there’s a logical reason to explain why he’s not ready to commit to you.

And while there might be relationships out there that began with this phrase being uttered before growing into something beautiful and lasting, the harsh reality is that those relationships are the exception and not even close to the rule.

So, if the way women interpret this frustratingly mysterious phrase is on the unrealistic, hopeful side, how are we supposed to be interpreting it?

Here’s What It Actually Means

While we ladies are the ones who get a bad rap for not being straightforward, beating around the bush, and not saying what we really mean, the guys aren’t any more innocent in this case. We might hope that he really does just want to see where things go, but that couldn’t be further from what a man actually means when he says this to a woman.

“If he ever says to you, ‘Let’s see where this goes…’ I’m going to tell you where it goes. … Unbeknownst to you, he’s already decided what’s gonna happen and where it’s gonna go. He’s decided you’re either long-term or short-term. … If he’s thinking about you long-term, those words — they do not come out of his mouth,” says TikTok influencer and podcaster Melissa Flanagan (@girlstalksense).

And sadly, her words ring true. “Let’s just see where this goes” is a misleading, confusing, non-committal statement that enables a guy to enjoy the perks of being in a relationship with you without having to take himself off the dating market or change anything about his behavior. It buys him time without giving anything of worth to you in return. He gets the best of both worlds while you’re left wondering and hoping that he’ll come around.

But don’t blindly believe us. Take it from a guy: “When you hear a man say, ‘Let’s just see where it goes,’ that means he don’t want you. ’Cause a man who truly wants you is gonna tell you exactly where he’s taking you. And he will even provide a map,” says TikTok influencer and life coach @konsciouskirk.

He makes a good point. When a guy is sure about you, he won’t waste time, play games, or keep you guessing. He won’t want the opportunity for someone else to catch your attention to present itself. You won’t have any doubt in your mind that he likes you because his actions will clearly reflect that.

But if you hear a guy say he’d rather see where things go, while he might like you enough to string you along, he doesn’t see a real future with you. As TikTok user @sarah_maggy0 suggests, a more realistic way to translate this phrase goes something like, “It’ll never be you, and I’m entertaining you until someone I like more comes around.” Ouch.

Perhaps the most hurtful part of it? It’s an easy way for him to shirk responsibility and ignore the result of his stringing you along — which is you beginning to fall for him: “When you start catching feelings, which men know we’ll do… [he’ll say] don’t look at me. I told you. I never committed. I never said I would be your boyfriend. I never made those promises to you,” says Flanagan.

What Should You Do If a Guy Says This to You?

If you’re currently caught up in a relationship of sorts where a guy has said this to you, you’re probably wondering what to do with all of this information. Do you confront him about it? Hope that none of this applies to you, and that you and he will be the exception to the rule? How should you proceed with the relationship — or, situationship, shall we say?

First, take the opportunity to reassess the relationship, asking yourself some difficult but necessary questions. Is your connection with him really as wonderful as you’ve told yourself? Are you two as well-matched as you thought? Is he really the catch he seemed to be? Search your thoughts and feelings and decipher whether or not you might have judged him and the potential of the relationship too quickly, without taking more than momentary feelings into account.

Second, the crux of the issue here is a lack of truthful communication of desires on his part, so choose to be the person in the relationship who does communicate your desires truthfully. Without getting confrontational, ask him to clarify what he means by “seeing where things go.” Express to him what it is you’re looking for in a relationship without feeling embarrassed or apologetic about it. It’s tempting to play the role of the “chill” girl, but there’s nothing to be gained by playing it cool in this case. You aren’t wrong for wanting a committed, exclusive relationship.

And lastly, be ready and willing to walk away from the relationship, because the likelihood is that this won’t grow into something healthy and long-lasting. A man who’d prefer to “see where things go” isn’t boyfriend material. Rather than attempt to convince him to see you as girlfriend material, allow yourself the dignity to walk away. Save your affection for someone who won’t waste your time by keeping you on the line and who won’t question whether or not he wants to be with you.

The Take-Away

As innocent as it might sound, hearing a guy say, “Let’s just see where this goes,” is a red flag. It’s possible that there are exceptions to the rule, but when a guy says this, the likelihood is that he has zero intentions of having a serious relationship with you, but instead, just wants to keep you as a back pocket girl. It’s not always easy to let go once your heart is involved, but generally speaking, it’s in your own best interest to walk away from the relationship.