When Does It Stop Being Cute That He’s A Mama’s Boy And Start Being A Red Flag?

We all love a man who loves his mom. But there’s a huge difference between having a good relationship with her and being so much of a mama’s boy that it impacts your relationship negatively. Here’s how to tell if his affection for his mom is just sweet or if it’s crossing into red flag territory.

Your heart swelled up, and you couldn’t stop yourself from remarking, “Awww,” when the new guy you’re dating told you about how much he loves his mom. All he had to say about her was positive, affectionate, and respectful. And you were pretty sure this was the ultimate green flag — a guy who has a wonderful relationship with his mom. After all, the way he treats his mom is indicative of the way he treats women in general, right?

But then your friend cautioned you against getting involved with a guy who’s too much of a mama’s boy, citing her nightmarish ex and his mom as evidence, and you started to worry. Is your boyfriend’s affection for his mother going to get in the way of your relationship? Are they too close? Do you have nothing to worry about, or is this an enormous, crimson-red flag that you’ll regret ignoring? Where’s the line that separates a guy’s close relationship with his mom from wholesome and irritating?

Here are nine signs that mean his affection for his mom might end up biting you.

He Tells Her Everything (Like, Everything)

If his mom has always been there for him, loved him through his many different phases, and offered him a lot of good advice over the years, it’s no wonder that he’ll confide in his mom — and it’s also not inherently a bad thing if he shares what he’s going through with her.

But there should also be a limit when it comes to what he’ll share with her. He shouldn’t share every single thing about his life, especially when it comes to your relationship. If he’s giving her a play-by-play of every disagreement you have or filling her in on details that feel like an invasion of privacy, this is a huge red flag.

He Does Whatever She Tells Him To

The red flag isn’t if a guy wants to make his mom happy or values her thoughts. You want a guy who cares enough about his mom to at least hear her out or find ways to keep the peace with her. This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything to stress about.

But what is a red flag is when a guy does whatever his mom tells him to — when she essentially has the last say over his life. If she wants him to move closer, he will. If she wants him to drop everything and call her, he will. If she wants him to break up with a girl, he will. A guy who treats his mom’s wish like his command isn’t one you can have a healthy relationship with.

She Can Do No Wrong in His Eyes

As much as a guy loves his mom, he should be able to acknowledge her shortcomings, because she surely has them. A guy who’s fully aware of his mom’s idiosyncrasies, flaws, and quirks (and can even lovingly poke fun at them), but adores her anyway is one you want to hold onto.

But if he’s seemingly unable to recognize or unwilling to admit that his mom isn’t perfect, or always leaps to her defense, or unfailingly comes up with some sort of excuse for her, this is a red flag like no other.

She Bankrolls His Life

It’s no secret that, in this economy, a lot of young people today are struggling to be totally financially independent. It’s understandable for a guy to accept a little bit of financial help from his mom every once in a while (without making a habit of it).

On the red flag side of things is a guy who lets his mom bankroll his entire life. Not only does his financial reliance on her mean he’ll naturally feel indebted to her, but it’s a glaring sign of immaturity and shows a lack of drive on his part — and only spells out danger for you.

She’s Either Indifferent or Rude Towards You

Sure, the ideal situation is that you and his mom become close friends and you love getting the chance to chat with her when she calls him up and having regular dinners with her. But while you can’t expect that to happen, what you should be able to expect is being treated with basic respect, kindness, and decency. She should want to know and get along with the woman her son is dating.

But if she’s either totally indifferent or outright rude to you? Red flags all around, especially if your boyfriend doesn’t see what the big deal is. This can be taken as a sign that she not only struggles with potentially not being his “number 1” woman, but that she’s hoping to sway him away from the relationship, and he’s not going to call her out on it. And why would you want to deal with that?

He’s Unwilling To Draw Boundaries with Her

We need boundaries, even with the people we love. They allow us to protect our desires, well-being, and freedom while expressing exactly how we are willing to be treated in a relationship (and we’re not just talking about the romantic ones). For example, a guy who’s willing to put up loving boundaries with his mom will tell her he can’t talk on the phone at their regular time if he’s trying to have a romantic date night with you — and she’ll have no issue with that.

But if there aren’t any such boundaries in place, then you’ve got a problem. If he allows his mom to show up at his place unannounced or isn’t willing to turn down her lunch invitation even though you’d made plans with him beforehand, he’s putting his mom’s desires well above yours.

He Constantly Compares You to His Mom

If his mom is a truly wonderful woman — if she’s loving and fun to be around and generous — it’s natural that he would look for a woman who checks off similar boxes, and that he would (even subconsciously) desire a woman with similar strengths to his mother’s.

This becomes a huge issue when rather than looking for a woman who shares a few qualities with his mom, he compares you to the glorified image he has in his mind, expecting you to be just like her. If it seems like he’s hoping to find a carbon copy of his mom rather than loving who you are, this likely won’t end well.

You Feel Like You Have To Compete for His Affection

The affection your boyfriend gives to his mom and the affection he offers you should be entirely different — you’re different people, it’s a different relationship, and he ought to have different desires. That being said, his affection shouldn’t ever feel like a competition between you and her.

If it seems like whenever she’s around, his treatment of you shifts, becoming cold, distant, detached, or even just different (and you’re left wondering if he even likes you anymore), while he freely offers his mom love, attention, and affection, this is a major red flag.

He Lets His Mom Give Her Opinion on Everything

It can be a green flag if a guy cares about what his mom thinks, especially if she’s a levelheaded, thoughtful, wise woman. Her opinion should absolutely matter in this case, but he also shouldn’t seek out her opinion for everything he does. Ultimately, while he values what she thinks, he should be able and willing to make decisions on his own.

But if your boyfriend seems to wait for his mom’s approval before doing anything, or regularly lets her talk him out of something he had been excited about doing, or disregards your opinions entirely in favor of hers…run.

The Take-Away

Being a mama’s boy isn’t inherently bad, and dating one isn’t necessarily cause for concern. But if he lacks healthy boundaries with her, overvalues her opinion, and makes you compete for his affection, it’ll be challenging to cultivate a healthy relationship with him.