When Love Fades — 9 Men Share Their Stories

Realizing that you’re in a relationship with someone who’s just pretending to love you can be difficult and painful. But it’s a lot better to know than to continue to live in a lie.

Love: it’s that magical experience that can turn even the dreariest life into a blooming wonderland. But when love is fading away it can feel like you’re wilting with the withered autumn leaves. If you’re in a relationship that’s going sour you may be stuck with all sorts of anxieties and sad emotions brewing inside of you.

What did I do to make her behave this way? Why is this relationship such a drag these days? Is this current rough spot in my head or is it real? Am I trying too hard and actually making her pull away even more?

And, most of all: has she fallen out of love with you or is there still a chance to patch things up?

In a recent discussion on Reddit, individuals bravely shared their moments of realization when they recognized that their partner’s love had waned. The ensuing replies from men were quite heartbreaking.

1. Caught Her Red Handed

Well. Short story. I was supposed to go out with friends and she kept asking me what time I was leaving and what time I was supposed to meet up with them while I was getting ready. I took longer to get ready and she kept asking, looking at her phone. Being odd in general, like almost rushing me to leave. I was driving to meet up my friends and halfway there I got this gut feeling something was not right so I called my friends and said I had to take care of something real quick and turned around.

When I was parking I could see her ex walking up the stairs to our place, opens the door and gives him a kiss. I was like damn heart shattered into pieces. So I sat in my car and waited to think clear.

After a few mins I went up the stairs and went inside to find them being intimate. I looked at her & all I did was smile. I wasn’t going to allow her see how heart broken I was. I grabbed my things, my dog, and left. She tried finding me after to “talk” but there was nothing to talk about. That’s the best way to let someone know you don’t love them.

2. Vanished Into Thin Air

She once hugged me so tight and didn’t let go for a while. It felt strange after that she went cold and dissappear haven’t heard from her in 2 months and haven’t seen her in 3. The last message she asked me when was I free and happy birthday.

3. Open Relationship Didn’t Work

I was her first serious relationship, so when she asked if we could try an open relationship I was understanding and open minded because I used to be curious as to what else was out there when I first started dating too. So I agreed: we would try an open relationship as long as we communicated what went on with the other people we were seeing.

We started dating other people and she never talked about how her dates went with me, like what we agreed on. She didn’t respect the terms. And every time I went out on a date myself I just felt I was doing it to keep up with her, when in reality she was the only one that I wanted. I couldn’t even muster the courage to do anything with other women while In the open relationship until I found out she fucked two guys and was telling them she loved them, which I had caught her texting. Then I went on a total tinder binge and lost all respect for the relationship because I was so hurt by what she did.

4. The Differences

When I found out she had surgery through a snap chat story. 7 years and you cannot communicate that shit to me despite how often you talk to me? Yeah no.

Good news is it made me recognize that I wasn’t in love with her for a long time. Mismatched sex drives, different points in life, suddenly different standards of communication. I now know what I want in my relationships and am ever grateful for the time we spent. But I’d never go back to that relationship.

5. Love Is Blind

I realized, after having broken up with her, that she never really loved me. I was somehow blinded but she never actually treated me like her boyfriend, even though we lived together. She would never do anything for me. And sex was such an inconvenience for her that at the end I just stopped trying altogether. It felt like we were just roommates that occasionally would have sex. We never really made out ever.

When she would play league or whatever game on her computer I would always kiss her on her forehead and tell her I loved her and sometimes she would get annoyed by just that. Later on after I had broken up with her I asked her why she even bothered moving in with me and she flat out said she just wanted to get away from her situation and that she’s sorry. I haven’t been with anyone or even dated anyone going on 2 years now because I’m so afraid of not being able to see red flags.

6. On The Rocks

We had both had a pretty rough morning getting the kids ready for school. I messed up and forgot something important at the house, and she pretty much came unglued. Yelling at me, calling me stupid. While the kids were in the backseat. I couldn’t yell back because that would’ve scared the kids, so I just kept calmly saying everything was okay and that mommy and I would talk about things later. Things pretty much fell apart after that.

7. She Just Said It

When I was a younger man (I’m in my 40s now, this story takes place in my 20s), I met a woman and we fell deeply in love. We even left our hometown and moved across the country together as an adventure. Within a couple years we were engaged and planning our life together.

Then she started staying out much later than usual, sometimes not coming home at all. She would claim she was staying at a friend’s house, etc etc. Our sex life turned into not having sex at all.

I’m not a stupid person. I knew she was cheating on me. I confronted her about it. Of course she denied it. But as the months went on, it became harder and harder for her to lie and cover it up.

One day I came home and all her stuff was gone, including our dog. I called her at work and she told me she just didn’t love me anymore and she was leaving me. It was like a shotgun blast to the heart.

I told her at least give me the dog back and I’ll leave you to live your life. She did, and within a week, I had packed up all my shit, and drove back across the country to my hometown.

That was the last time we spoke. I never saw her again, but thanks to facebook I see she is married with kids now. The dog passed away in 2014.

Sometimes it still hurts to think about her as I did and still do consider her “the one”. I really did love her and it was impossible for me to trust other women for many years.

8. She Tested The Waters

When she said “are you gonna be mad if I go out with so and so” (it was already midnight). I said yeah I’m gonna be a little upset and she said well I’m gonna do it anyway. I said okay just don’t be out until 6 a.m. (basically saying don’t be out until tomorrow morning, not setting a curfew at 6). She came home at 5:55 a.m. the next day and said I couldn’t be mad because it was before 6. We got divorced a few weeks later and she was pregnant about 2 months after that.

9. She Didn’t Give A Rip

In college I dated a girl from my hometown. We dated for around 4 years. Lived in our first apartments together. 4 months into our second lease together she began drinking heavily. Like, drinking a fifth of tequila 3 or 4 times a week, heavily. Then she all the sudden started hanging out with her friends at bars. Then it was “I fell asleep at such and such’s.”

The next night she tried to go out, I pretty much asked wtf is going on and please stay home so we could talk it through and figure it out. She grabbed her keys and left, pretty much in silence, until “don’t wait up” right before shutting the door behind her. That’s when it struck me. I remember quite literally feeling like someone shot me with an arrow through the heart. I took a very long shower and went to bed.

Week goes by and we had the “we need to talk,” chat. Which sucked even harder than I anticipated, because she told me she cheated on me and she’d been sexually assaulted. Both hurt. But dating someone for four years and having your SO think so little of you that they can’t bring themselves to tell you something like that shows how utterly disconnected we both had become from one another.

Guess what? My stay in hell had just begun. Only 7 months and some change left in my lease. I moved across the state and rebuilt my life from scratch after that. Went to therapy, got medication that helps, got a technical degree and finally found someone that cares for me deeply. All that said, when you look at someone through rose tinted glasses, all the red flags just look like…flags.