Why Doesn’t My Ex Want To Be Friends?

You meet someone, get with them, become a significant part of each other’s lives, and then for some reason or the other, you can no longer be a couple. It takes some getting used to not being lovers anymore, but you think maybe at least you can maintain some semblance of normal and stay friends. Except for one thing: your ex doesn’t seem to share this sentiment, and for the life of you, you can’t figure out why.

When your ex doesn’t want to be friends anymore, it can feel like a massive punch in the gut. Suddenly, the person who meant so much to you is gone and doesn’t want anything to do with you. What could have possibly happened? Why did things go so wrong?

There are many reasons why an ex might not want to be friends anymore. In this article, I will explore 11 of the most common ones. If you can identify with any of these reasons, it may help you understand and cope with the situation better.

1. They Still Feel for You

When your ex says that they do not want to be friends, there is a possibility that they still carry some romantic feelings for you. If this is indeed the case, it is ideal to give them sufficient space and time for sorting out their feelings.

In the process, you can look to spend time with your family members, friends and share your thoughts with them. They can guide you through this phase.

2. They Miss Those Special Moments Spent with You

Your ex will never see themselves being friends with you, as they had spent some very special moments while being in a relationship with you. They remain etched inside their heart and make it extremely difficult for them to forget.

Hence, even if you wish to remain friends with them and relive those moments in different capacities now, your ex no longer wants it to happen.

3. They Continue Holding onto a Grudge

If one takes a close look into the reasons why your ex doesn’t want to be friends, It is possible that your ex simply does not want it to happen because they feel you have become a terrible individual and you were primarily responsible for the breakup.

This can happen if your separation was not a cordial one. The thought can arise inside the mind of your ex even more when you have violated the terms of the agreement.

Thus, it is extremely difficult to have a friendship with someone whose face or voice you cannot stand.

4. Your Ex Has Still Not Got Over the Breakup

If you see that your ex is not prepared to be friends, the likely scenario behind this could be because they are still reeling under the loss of their relationship.

It is important to note that breakups can be extremely tough for a person to handle and they can take some time to get through the debacle. Thus, almost no one would even want to think of being friends with their ex.

5. You Cheated on Your Ex

While dealing with the reasons why your ex doesn’t want to be friends, a critical aspect that one can never overlook is the cheating they had to face at the time of being in a relationship. When someone cheats on their partner while in a relationship, it does not tell much about the relationship but says a lot about the individual who cheated.

You might be one of the most loyal friends that someone could ever have in their life, but if you cheat on your partner, it will be very difficult for them to get over the episode and forgive you.

6. Your Ex Is Worried About Getting Hurt Once Again

They are apprehensive that they might again get hurt by the same person, who had earlier created a mess in their relationship.

Your ex might find it tough to believe you, even if you say that your personality has undergone a sea change since the breakup.

They still feel that if they do agree to be friends with you, the friendship might soon help develop feelings inside them and they cannot take that risk.

7. Your Ex’s New Partner Does Not Agree to Your Friendship

One of the reasons why your ex doesn’t want to be friends is because, once lovers have a breakup, it is quite normal for them to settle down with new companions. As time goes by, they start building their respective families and move on in life.

Under those circumstances, even if you are okay with the thought of being friends with your ex, there is every chance that your ex’s current life partner does not permit them to go ahead with it.

8. Your Ex No Longer Wants to Complicate Matters

There are times when relationships end with loads of complications from both sides like resentment, insurmountable differences, family issues, and trauma, which usually do not happen to be the fault of just one person.

Those unresolved issues keep lingering between ex-partners. Perhaps, you know both of you are not meant for one another as far as being life partners is concerned, but your ex finds it awkward to just remain friends with you, thereby opting not to go for it.

9. Your Ex Does Not See Any Benefit in Being Friends

Your ex might feel that you will not offer them anything extra by their friend, which they won’t receive from others. Hence, there is no incentive to have this friendship.

10. They Are Going Around with Your Friend

Your ex does not show any interest in being friends with you as they might be dating one of your good friends.

They would be apprehensive about admitting this fact as there is every chance you will become mad at them. Besides, even if they disclose the same, your ex might put themselves in an extremely awkward situation.

11. You Are Dating a Friend of Your Ex

Your ex might have completely moved on after their breakup with you. Still, they will feel hurt and get mad if they get to know that you are dating their friend.

It will look as if you had betrayed them and now you are intending to do the same to their friend.

Despite all this, if you remain firm in your stance of having a friendship with your ex, it could instigate them toward becoming insecure as you feel that they are only good as a friend but not as a partner.

Is it immature not to want to be friends with an ex?

No, it’s not necessarily immature not to want to be friends with an ex. Everyone is different, and respecting your ex’s wishes is important if they don’t want to be friends anymore.

If your ex needs space, respect their decision and give them the time they need. Ultimately, it is up to each individual whether they want to be friends with an ex. Respect each other’s boundaries and wishes.

What percentage of exes stay friends?

A study by relationship expert Ellen McCarthy found that nearly 80 per cent of people stay friends with their exes. McCarthy surveyed over 1,000 people and found that most people stay friends with their exes for positive reasons, such as feeling they have a lot in common or wanting to stay on good terms.

However, some people stay friends with their exes for negative reasons, such as feeling nostalgic or hoping to get back together.

Whether the reasons are positive or negative, it’s clear that staying friends with an ex is a common phenomenon. In fact, you may even be friends with your ex without realising it.

The Take-Away

We have explained in this article and given you a clear picture by offering eleven different reasons why your ex doesn’t want to be friends with you.

If the separation was a cordial one, you could have some scope but parting ways out of negativities leaves no chance for friendship in the future.